Clever Catchy Title

ahem. this thing on? no. no it is not.

2007-06-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Moved. And with a completely inadequate apology post, even.

rashi busted me. . .

2006-05-08T16:57:00.000-07:00

It has been 38 days since my last post.

The whole month of April. Really!

What in the world have I been doing? Man. I don't even know. But off the top of my head, in no particular order or preference:

-- applying for summer work
-- visiting Chicago (yay!!)
-- cooking
-- trying to ready a couple of papers for possible conference applications
-- procrastinating
-- paying bills
-- reading approximately 16 books on globalization, diaspora studies, identity politics, multiculturalism, cosmopolitanism, and the various failures and evils of neoliberalism
-- cleaning
-- buying a new pair of glasses
-- pondering the meaning of life and the existence of Japanese beetles
-- trying to find a suitable jacket for the crazy up and down weather fluctuations that constitute a spring here
-- trying to find a suitably-priced pair of straight-leg, dark wash jeans that don't stop at my ankles
-- neglecting my friends and family (so sorry. :( please forgive me?)
-- writing approximately 80 pages of scholarly academic writing
-- planning my trip home for my brother's graduation (woo hoo!)
-- watching American Idol (shut up! Elliott rocks.)
-- finally enjoying the spring weather

An interesting month, no?

No, not really. But at least now you know!

My finals are dunzo on Friday, but I'm out of town this weekend. So perhaps I'll have more to say come Monday.

Anything's possible, eh?

sooooooooooooo. . .

2006-04-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

tired.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while! And sorry I'm not updating now!

I will soon. Promise.

And by soon, yes I mean less than 38 days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Wait for the Lord. Be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord. ~ Psalm 27: 14

snow day!!!

2006-03-13T05:41:00.000-08:00

What a great way to begin a spring break.

If I could find my camera, I'd let y'all see just how much of a winter wonderland we're becoming. But for now I'll just be happy that I don't have to trudge through the madness on the streets to get to school.

stmmfsbasp, part 7

2006-03-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

Annnnd we're at the end. You might know what this last song is. Oh, sure you do!

*

You really don't know? Well go back and reread all the other posts in the "So Black And So Proud" series. And you might also consider the title of the series.

Still no clue? Ah, well, I'll give it up:

Say It Loud (I'm Black And I'm Proud), by James Brown

(All ready for you right here.)

Once again, we have the title telling all. I actually wish there was more I could say about the power of this song, but it truly does speak for itself. From that very first lick of the ever-present snare drum, spinning of into a contempo kinetic riff that smoothly ushers in those beautifully brash trumpets, you just know exactly where the song's going. So you've already been indoctrinated by the time JB comes in with those first words, "Say it loud!" and that revolutionary teenybopper chorus answers so confidently, "I'm Black and I'm proud!"

His commanding, encouraging delivery lends a forceful persuasiveness to the tone of the lyrics, and adds more of a revolutionary spirit to the whole that defies the "too cool to fight" aesthetic in some other music of the period. I myself am enraptured with spoken-word, jam-session, Gil Scott-Heron feel of this song, and the strutting mood of both the words and music never fail to get me up "with my bad self," saying "it" so loudly that my neighbors have to come by and ask me to hush. But I think now it's time to stop rambling and let the song tell you what's going on. Happy Black History Month! (Yes, I know it's March now, but who cares! Black history is everyone's history, and we can celebrate all year long!)

****P.S. for all y'all who told me I needed to represent some hip hop on the list, sorry! I had to go with what I know. I know there is a lot if inspirational "black and proud" hip hop out there, but none of it moves me like the songs I chose. But hey, you can always make your own list! (hint, hint.)****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics For You Today:
"Say It Loud," of course. The awesome album can be purchased here. Find out why they call him Soul Brother #1.)

Unh! With your bad self!
Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)
Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)

Look here, some say we got a lot of manners,
some say it's a lot of nerve.
But I say we won't quit moving
until we get what we desrve.
We've been buked, and we've been scorned.
We been treated bad, talked about
just as sure as you're born.
Just as sure as it takes two eyes to make a pair,
brother we can't quit until we get our share.

Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)
Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)
One more time: say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)

I work long jobs with my feet and my hands,
Do all the work I did, but for the other man.
Now we demand a chance to do things for ourselves.
We tired of beating our heads against the wall,
and working for someone else.

Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)
Say it loud!
(I'm Black and I'm proud!)

Now we demand a chance to do things for ourselves.
We're tired of beating our heads against the wall,
and working for someone else.
We're people, we're just like the birds and the bees.
We'd rather die on our feet than be living on our knees.

Say it loud!
(I'm black and I'm proud!)

stmmfsbasp, parts cinque and seis

2006-03-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

Oops! Sorry for missing a day. The demands of Idol plus part one of the Project Runway finale proved to be more than I could handle in one evening. You know, not to mention class, work, getting my taxes done, and all the other little unimportant stuff.

Long story short, you get to enjoy two new uplifting, inspiring, consciousness-raising songs from my "So Black and So Proud" collection. Lucky you! So let's get started, shall we? We shall.

Part Cinque:

Black Orchid, by Stevie Wonder

(You know the deal by now, of course.)

I treated the brothers on Tuesday, so of course I have to follow up with something special for the sisters.

Now. I love Stevie Wonder. I believe he is a musical genius, and he is a GREAT (no noun needed). So he had to be represented on this list. That was a given from the start. What wasn't so obvious was which song of his I would choose to introduce. Well, I picked "Black Orchid" for many reasons, not the least of which is its obscurity.

Why don't people know about this gem of a song? Good question! The answer:

Many years ago there was a plan to make a film called "The Secret Life Of Plants," or something like that. Stevie was approached to score the film, and he agreed. He worked out a score, but the film fell through (which is, all things considered, probably a good thing). Stevie having already put so much work into the music decided to go ahead and release it as a popular album called "Journey to the Secret Life of Plants." Never heard of it? Then congratulations, you're quite normal. But, JSLP does give us some remarkable songs, including "Black Orchid" and the better-known "Send One Your Love." But we're talking about "Black Orchid," and we're talking about it because it's a soul-stirring tribute to the beauty and strength of the Black woman. Yeah!
The lyrics are backed by a sparse arrangement of strings and clavinet, and the minimalist approach works wonders (no pun intended, but it turned out well anyway!) because it allows the lyrics to take precedence. And what beautiful lyrics they are! By the time Stevie's done waxing poetically about "a pearl of wisdom entrapped by poverty," and "love besieged by years" I feel like the rarest, most beautiful thing in all the world. I feel like I can take what nature has given me and bloom into the most extraordinary flower the world has ever seen!

Okay, so I'm exaggerrating a little bit. But, I am serious about the power in the lyrics. You check it out for yourself. See if it doesn't make you want to shout "it."

Part Sies:

Brown Skin, by India.Arie

(You know what's up.)

Yeah. So, there's not too much to be said about this song. You can tell by the title that it's a celebration of brown skin tones. (Ah, flashbacks to my comps talk!) Aside from the absolutely lovely instrumental opening that immediately draws you into the lovey-dovey mood, there isn't much to say about the music. But pride starts to flowing whenever Ms. Arie details the various beauties of a rich, brown skin. She also makes liberal mention of romance, but we'll let that alone.

Bottom line: Forget a color complex! Celebrate the wonders of your lovely brown skin, no matter what shade. I'm a mix of peanut butter and toast myself. Delicious!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics For You Today:

Well, this post is already super long! So you'll find the lyrics:

here

and here.

Enjoy!

stmmfsbasp, part vier

2006-02-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

4 days in a row. I'm positive that's a personal best.

Still with me on this? Good for you! I've got a treat in store for today:

Brotha, by Angie Stone.

(Get it how you live, right here.)

There's nothing like a good old affirmation. The world is full of struggles -- racism, injustice, and depression, and some have argued that those struggles are much harder for Black men than they are for Black women. I don't agree with that point of view (in fact I have serious disagreements with that point of view), but this isn't the time to consider all that. The fact remains that Black men do have a hard time in the U.S. If they're not getting stereotyped as violent, lascivious thugs on the streets, delinquent hardheads in the classroom, and lazy absent fathers in general, then they're given a hard rap as corporate sell-outs and wannabe flunkies. That's harsh language, isn't it? Abominable language, in fact. Yet, it's no more than what I hear in the streets and in classrooms on a regular basis, from people of all races.

Good Black men don't get enough love. Angie Stone realized that when she decided to write this song. It's a lovely song, and nothing too deep about it. The lyrics might be simple, but that doesn't mean they aren't powerful. This song moves me just by saying things I already know, but that I don't get to hear often enough. Affirmation. A good reality-check to fly in the face of all that negativity that pours in from news reports, media outlets, statistics bureaus, and institutional reports. Take a listen to the song, and celebrate all the good brothas you know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics For You Today:
"Brotha" of course. You can buy the album here.

He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son.
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am.
My support system, I can't live without him.
The best thing since sliced bread
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch,
and I just want the whole world to know, about my

Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never try to hurt you.
I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you for forever true,
Cause you're my Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no one above ya.
I want ya to know that I'm here for you for forever true.

He's misunderstood, some say that he's
up to no good around the neighborhood.
But for your information: a lot of my brothers got education.
Now check it. You got your Wall Street brotha, your blue collar brotha,
your down for whatever chillin on the corner brotha.
Your talented brotha, and to everyone of y'all behind bars,
you know that Angie loves ya.

You mean so much to me, you give me what I need.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you for staying strong, you got it going on.
I'm so proud of you.
Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win.
I'm so proud of you.
Whenever you're facing doubt, brothas gon work it out.
I'm so proud, I got unshakable faith in you.

stmmfsbasp, part tres

2006-02-27T19:08:00.000-08:00

Yeah! And we're back for the third consecutive day of blogging, which I think is some kind of record for me.

We're getting controversial up in here today, which is just wonderful. Today's special song has just the right mix of social commentary, amazingly adept instumentalism, and extraordinarily clever lyricism. As a matter of fact, this song is so deep that some folks don't even understand the depths it reaches. Peoples, I bring you:

Big Black Buck, by Donnie
(Yes, it's here. Wait for the countdown, click box in the upper right...)

Now, the title may be throwing you off. It sounds racist, doesn't it? But what is so superb about this is that this title is supposed to raise your ire, to get you feeling indignant before Donnie starts to get in your head with the rest of the song. For proof of that, all you have to do is listen to the opening notes. Dixieland, ragtime trumpets greet your ear as Donnie gives his best impersonation of a turn-of-the-century circus master, "Hurry, hurry, hurry! Come one, come all!" The Dixie swing continues throughout the whole song, but before things dip too far into minstrelsy, the real lyrics begin. Check this out: "Mama's little baby is nothing but a consumer, never making a profit, rendering empty pockets." How about that? How about that that's genius? How about the genius of taking an old Black folk song (Mama's little baby loves short'nin bread...) and using it to immediately characterize his song and the people he's talking about? The decision to begin this modern indictment of Black consumerism with an allusion to the storied past of Black life in the 19th century is a very important one; it lends an immediate urgency to the whole, calling the listeners to consider the past in order to gain perspective on the present.

I'm with him all the way, until the bitter end. And the song does get bitter, oh yes it goes there. Shortly after he stresses the frivolity that is Black spending (On your town look around, it's the first of the month/U.S. economy will get its usual jump...) he delves into the cycle of social irresponsibility that keeps the wheel of oppression turning. This is the thesis, if you want, of the song, and he brings it up sharply during the refrain. So the refrain is disturbing, it's jarring; he sings: "Everytime we buy into this criminal society/we whip that big black buck again/bring him down to his knees/They're waiting 'round the auction block/they jock so hard to see the consistency of my spunk/breeding their monopoly." Now you look at that lyric and balk at it. What is he saying, how can he say that, it's horrible! He shouldn't bring up such a horrible image of slavery like that!

I know what the critics mean, but they're absolutely wrong. Why not bring up that image if it's the truth? The big buck of Black spending power is exploited and abused, whipped, in the same manner as a master whipping his slave. And what's worse, and what's really deserving of your outrage and indignation is the fact that we, us Black people are now contributing to the oppression. We "buy into" this system of exploitation, thus keeping ourselves down and heaping insult on the backs of those long-dead ancestors, further humiliating and debasing their lives with an unexamined and ignorant approach to spending our money in this country. We "breed the white folks' monopoly" by spending money on dumb things like spinning rims on car tires, then we teach our children to value those same dumb material things, and never give it a second thought. That's what's outrageous to me, not Donnie's appropriation of an apt metaphor that happens make people uncomfortable.

I should be uncomfortable. You should be uncomfortable. We ain't right. And far from just pointing fingers, Donnie highlights this damaging behavior and tells us what we could do: "If mama's little baby didn't buy or sell on the Sabbath/don't you know what would happen/Some economy backbone snappin/.../Mama's little baby is the backbone of that order/and no, not kinda sorta/making dough for the Man/whipping that big Black buck again." We could help ourselves, we could force our way into social and economic equality, if we used the collective power in our collective dollars. If we could get past all this material aspiration, this pointless idea of keeping up with the Joneses, if we could transcend our own petty disagreements to make a community of smart consumers, investors, and producers, why, the world would have to listen to us, would have to pay attention and address our concerns. Snap the backbone of that oppressive economy, and you've got all the power and agency you need to make changes in your world. That's all Donnie's saying. I'm listening. I'm inspired. Not only do I want to say "it," I want you to say "it" too, and go support your local Black business. That's the first baby step.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyrics for You Today
"Big Black Buck" of course. You can buy the album here.

Mama's little baby is nothing but a consumer.
Never making a profit, rndering empty pockets.
Oh, mama's litle baby is trendy, on the rumor.
Buying, never investing, rather visit market testing.

On your town, look around it's the first of the month,
U.S. economy will get it's usual jump.
We're creatures of habit, modern slaves.
Guaranteed to spend it all in just one place.

Mama's little baby is a dancer, and a crooner,
making dough for the Man.
Whipping that big black buck again.

Oh, and everytime we buy into this criminal society,
we whip that big black buck again, bring him down to his knees.
They're waiting 'round the auction block, they jock so hard to see
the consistency of my spunk, breeding their monopoly.

Mama's little baby are pawns protecting the bishop.
Taking fish, never learning. They're keeping this whole thing turning.
If mama's little baby didn't buy or sell on the Sabbath,
don't you know what would happen? Some economy backbone snappin.

Can't you see illuminati wage a quiet war?
Put the blood upon the lentil and the post on your door.
We're waiting for new world water to come,
baby don't you know it's here and almost gone?

Mama's little baby is the backbone of that order,
and no, not kinda sorta!
Making dough for the Man,
whipping that big black buck again.

stmmfsbasp, part deux

2006-02-26T21:06:00.000-08:00

A little late on this one, but I made it in time! Welcome to day 2 of consecutive blogging.

We are of course continuing in our Black People's Music series, and today I bring you a little known number from the very well known Queen of Soul:

Young, Gifted, And Black, by Aretha Franklin

(Yes, you can download it again here, wait for the countdown, click the download box, etc.)

What is there to say? The title gives you the basics. Young. Gifted. Black. It's all good! But there's so much going on with those words. The phrase comes from an address that playwright Lorraine Hansberry gave to a group of young writers, which was later used as the title of her collected writings. We are all aware of the social climate in the United States in the mid-twentieth century (and if you aren't aware, what in the world are you doing reading random blogs on the internet? get your behind in the library or something!), and both Hansberry's address and the recording of this song are signs of the times. There are a few versions of the song, including one by the remarkable Nina Simone, and one by the brilliant Donny Hathaway, but I have ever been a fan of the Queen's interpretation.

From the gospel-saturated tinkling of the organ that introduces the song, and the gospelicious chorus of ladies that immediately follows, the atmosphere of striving and strength, of deep roots and deep possibilities is immediately apparent. And then before I can fully wrap my mind around around the first lyric, "To be young, gifted and Black, oh what a lovely, precious thing," here is Aretha completely taking off, riffing from the depths of her very soul, "Yes, thank You, Jesus!" and I'm gone. My mind and my heart belong to Aretha as the paced, strutting piano kicks back in, joined by an understated bass guitar and jaunty but almost muted drums, moving so easily as if we're all just taking a walk together down the road.

There aren't many lyrics, and I appreciate that -- the mood, the melody, the "young, gifted, Black" are more than enough for me. Especially when the gospel-ness of the whole completely takes over and Aretha is allowed to let her skill shine through. After the last true lyric, "You are young, gifted, and Black; you've got your soul intact." Everything, all semblance of pop breaks down. We're back to roots, to the gospel basic of call-and-response, and we're treated to a overflow of soul, of emotion, hope, yearning, and all the essence of what it means to strive, to work for good in the world. All of that can be conveyed by a bit of tremolo or vibrato, by the merest string of melisma, and it's a testament to Mother Aretha's powerful artistry as well as the weight of the song. She says, "Oh, it's a mighty sweet thing," and I believe her. I'm inspired. She says, "Don't you dare look back," and I am convinced I never will. I'll keep my soul intact just because she says that's the way it should be. And yes, of course when I hear this song, I want to say "it" loud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics For You Today:
"Young, Gifted And Black," of course. You can buy the album here. Some say it's her best...

To be young, gifted and Black,
oh what a lovely, precious thing.
Oh when you're, yes when you're --
when you're young, yes thank You, Jesus!
gifted and Black,
oh then your heart is all I need.

In this cold world you know,
there are millions of boys and girls
who are young, gifted and Black
with their souls intact. Oh, and that's a fact.

You are young, gifted, and you're Black!
We must begin to tell our young.
There's a world waiting for you, you.
Yours is a quest that's just begun.

When you're feeling real low,
here's a great truth you should remember and know,
that you're young, gifted and Black.
You got your soul intact. And that's a fact.

music is amazing. (stmmfsbasp, part I)

2006-02-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

This is not debatable. The existence of sounds in the universe that can be combined and manipulated solely for the purpose of giving us aural pleasure is one of the most divine elements of our existence.

If you know me, you know I love the music. My tastes are sort of eclectic, but not very much. I like a little bit of everything, your canonical classical composers, your jazz, your blues, your rock, your soul, r&b, even a teeeency bit of country. Why am I telling you all of this? Two reasons.

1) It's my blog, and I can do what I want with it!

2) Because this is the last week of Black People's Time, for each of the next seven days I will try to present a different song having to do with us Black Peoples. Yes, I know that there are now only officially 4 days left of Black People's Time, but so? We can spill over into March if we want to. The womens won't mind. They have 31 days in their month anyway, so they can spare one or two for us.

Ambitious project, no? Well, for me anyway. We'll see if I can update this thing everyday for a whole week, but I'm going to give it my best. So, here we go:

Songs that Make Me Feel So Black And So Proud, Part I

Black Butterfly, by Deniece Williams

(You can download it here. Wait for the countdown, and then click the "download here" box in the upper-right corner.)

Of course I love this song, and not only because of Deniece Williams' superb soprano singing and her joyful, effervescent phrasing, but also because of the import of the whole. This song came out in the mid-1980s, during a peculiar moment in Black history. The peak of the Civil Rights Movement and Black Nationalist eras had passed, and thousands of young Blacks were starting to reap the rewards of new access to educational and professional opportunities. This was the age of Black Urban Professionals, or buppies as they were nicknamed in certain media.

In the midst of all this growing and changing in the Black community, climbing the sicial and intellectual ladders in the U.S., there were concerns that the younger generations would forget the struggles for broader social equality and justice in the face of slowly expanding economic and personal gains. Buppies were loudly and persistently urged to remember their past, to remember all the battles that had been fought to get them where they were, and to keep up the fight for future generations. The old rhetoric of being a credit to the Black race resurfaced, and buppies were charged with representing Blackness, showing their racial pride, and remembering themselves to all who had suffered or struggled for each and every buppie that made it through a first-tier school and into a first-class job.

All of this context makes the song extremely inspirational. From those first twinkling notes and opening lyrics, the mood becomes one of pride, exultation and uplift. Soon after she so sweetly sings "You've survived, now your moment has arrived/Now your dream has finally been born," we're hit by this huge crescendo, the sound swells and all the insistence overflows with the words, "Black butterfly, sail across the waters/tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings." Williams' lilting voice begins to soar lightly and effortlessly over the words just like that metaphorical butterfly, and by the time she lands on that last piercing syllable, the soft urging, "Fly" that completes the song, I'm always ready to burst out of my house into the streets, so I can say it loud! ("it" = "I'm Black and I'm proud!" of course.)

Take a listen to this song, let it uplift your spirits, even if you aren't Black. The words can easily apply to you too. (Although, this is Black People's Time, don't forget.) I'll be back tomorrow (Yes, I will! Well I certainly mean to be back tomorrow) with another song selection to expand your musical libraries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics For You Today:
"Black Butterfly" of course. You can buy the album here.

Morning light, silken dream take flight
as the darkness gives way to the dawn.
You've survived, now your moment has arrived.
Now your dream has finally been born.

Black butterfly, sail across the waters,
tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings.
Black butterfly, set the skies on fire.
Rise up even higher,
so the ageless winds of time can catch your wings.

While you slept, the promise was unkept.
But your faith was as sure as the stars.
Now you're free, and the world as come to see
just how proud, and beautiful you are!

Let the current lift your heart, and send it soaring.
Write your timeless messgae clear across the sky,
so that all the world can read it, and remember when we need it
that a dream conceived in truth can never die.
Butterfly!

Cause now you're free, and the world has come to see
just how proud and beautiful you are.

Fly.
Butterfly.
Yeah, yeah, yes,
Fly!

in the words of tony toni tone:

2006-02-14T03:38:00.000-08:00

"Do you know what today is? It's our anniversary, yeah. It's our anniversaryyy!"

So, you know that today is a very, veery special day, right? Yeah?

No, not because it's Valentine's Day!

It's the one year anniversary of this blog! Those of you who have been with me from the beginning may remember my auspicious start, but you will also recognize just how far this clever, catchy place has come in one short year.

Okay, so not so extremely far, but I'm still here and you're (still?) here, so it's a celebration!

Sang it with me now! (No really. Sang it, no matter where you are!):

Happy birthday to you,
your blog is so cool.
You're the BEST. BLOGGER. EVER.
and we all know it's true!

Did you sing it?

Yay!

For your loyalty, you may have a piece of birthday cake.

No, I don't have any ice cream.

No. I don't have any whipped cream.

No, you can't have pie instead! Just hush up and eat the cake, Anna Mae!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Look, there on the mountains, the feet of one who brings good news, who proclaims peace! Celebrate your festivals, O Judah, and fulfill your vows. No more will the wicked invade you; they will be completely destroyed. ~ Nahum 1:15

"jody sawyer."

2006-02-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

*spontaneous clapping and cheering ensues*

That's from the monumentally profound and brilliantly performed feature film called Center Stage, starring titans of drama such as Zoe Saldana and Ethan Stiefel. If you've never seen this cinematic masterpiece, it goes without saying that there is a great big hole in your life, and in your soul. Go watch it. Now. I promise your life will change.

If you have seen this remarkable film, then surely you remember the ending, from which my title is drawn.

I bring this ending up because whenever an event occurs in my life that I just can't account for, that final scene pops into my head. It's a Jody Sawyer Moment.

It's hard to get it across online, but I laid it on thick so I'm assuming you picked up on the sarcasm slathered all over my description of this movie. Then it shouldn't come as a surprise when I say that my "Jody Sawyer" moments usually involve a completely ridiculous situation. Just the way that it is completely ridiculous for an entire lobby full of strangers to burst into loud, spontaneous applause and cheering for some girl they don't know or care about, just because Cooper Nielsen says "Jody Sawyer."

I had a Jody Sawyer moment in class today. Well, there were two, really. Both courtesy of my professor. Check it out. We're all talking and discussing, and then he brings up the subject of the paper we have due next week. Fine. He goes on about the usual -- length, style, what have you. Then, he takes a thoughtful pause, he puts his hands in his pockets, and says something like, "Let's make sure we're all on the same page. This is a paper. That means it needs to have a title, right?" We're nodding in agreement, "Yeah, of course, right." Tell me why he then proceeds to the blackboard, picks up the chalk, and draws a diagram of a sheet of paper. Automatically my eyes widen in disbelief of what's obviously coming. He draws a line across the top of the page, "Title goes here." What?!? And then, "Make sure it's right. And page numbers, not on the first page, but starting from the second." Okay. . . "Double-spaced, and that means double-space between the paragraphs too, MLA format, blah blah, blah blah." Mm hmm. "And don't forget your name."

What!?! Speaking to a room full of graduate students, who combined have probably written enough papers to fill the classroom we were sitting in, this guy takes it upon himself to make sure we don't forget to put our titles at the tops of our pages. As opposed to slipping it in between two of those double-spaced paragraphs, I guess.

Ridiculous! So ridiculous that I expected him at any moment to jump up and start clapping and cheering. I wouldn't have been surprised.

I felt the same way about an hour later, when we began discussing a new book. We all flipped our books open, and he asks, "Do you guys make an outline when you read?" I say no, because I do the underline, write in the margins deal. He looks at us in disbelief and says, "You might look into writing up outlines for dense material like this in the future." Well, okay. Good suggestion. But then, "And you know, it's also good to highlight, or even underline important passages and terms. You should also make notes to yourselves, you know. That way when you read again, you'll know which points struck you. Mark up your books!"

Huh? I mean can we get a little credit for, you know, graduating from accredited colleges? Can we just take it for granted that we all have a basic grasp of note-taking and paper-writing? How is it that when we say we don't write a complete outline for each book, all of a sudden we're in remedial reading class? Say it with me: What?!?

I know! Ridiculous is the appropriate word. So uncalled for. Jody Sawyer.

*huge cacophony of claps and cheers*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

I lift up my hands for Your commands, which I delight in, and I meditate on Your words. ~ Rsalm 119: 48

awwwww yeah!

2006-02-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

It's Black People's Time!

As a Black person, I really do love Black People's Time. Time to forget about all our social troubles and enjoy the 28-day month of the year when you can find speaking engagements, creative performances and art exhibits, films, television programming, and yes, even commercials wholly dedicated to us Black folks.

We're only 5 days in and already there have been 2 lectures at my uni, there's a concert tonight (of course I'm going!), a play later this week, and I can personally vouch for having seen 3 specials on televison already (on TV Land, The History Channel, and of course BET).

AND! I've seen "Let's Celebrate Blackness and Black History" commercials on MTV and Nickelodeon. One of those even presented a bunch of children saying things like "Black is beautiful," and "I love my history," and "I love my skin." Absolutely delightful! Made me feel good. I'm sure there are more to come in the following weeks.

You might be thinking, "Man, with all this Blackness going on it's easy to get overwhelmed!" Well, it's only one month. Correction, only 28 days.

*In case you were wondering, the tone of this post is only about 20% sarcastic. I'm very happy that it's Black History Month, very happy that so many educational and enlightening events are happening, and only slightly disappointed that it's all concentrated into the shortest, arguably the dreariest month of the year. I mean, no disrespect to Carter G. Woodson, but July really is the ideal month for celebrating Black History. Perhaps I'll explain why some other time.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Have we not all one Father? And hath not one God created us? Why then do we deal treacherously, every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers? ~ Malachi 2:10

a "prophet soul"

2006-01-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

In the steady drone of procrastination that is my life these days, I came across this quiz. I love taking online quizzes. No matter what answers you give or what "type" you end up as, they always describe you in a flattering light as if you're the bestest person in the world. To wit:

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.
You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I love how the writers of the quiz results tell me I am "a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer," instead of just saying "stop fooling around and go do something, you goldbrick".

I also love how the writers of the quiz and quiz results can determine my personality and the character of my soul with just ten questions!

Go find out if you're a "bright star" or a "dreamer". And if you're not, then obviously we have the answer to that nagging question of why you've always hated me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Song for You Today:

from To Say Thanks
by Nichole Nordeman. You should really buy this album.

Even fields of flowers
are dressing in their best because of You,
knowing they are blessed to be in bloom.
But what about November,
when the air is cold and wet winds blow.
Do they understand why they can’t grow?

And I could not pretend to know the difference
between the storms You send, and those I find.

you say you need proof. . .

2006-01-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

. . .that my cohort is the best ever?

Well. I forgive you for doubting my word and submit the following:

We held our first high tea this afternoon.

Okay. Not technically "high tea" as it was at 3 and not 6. But still. We had tea. Cucumber sandwiches too!

I would've saved you one, but I don't think it would've kept very well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ~ Ruth 1: 16

happy 2006!!

2006-01-15T16:53:00.000-08:00

Woo-hoo!! Congratulations for surviving all the randomness that was 2005.

(How do you like the blue, Rashi?)

I am returned from a very long vacation in lovely and temperate Louisiana where I walked around in my flip-flops and t-shirts without feeling like I was putting my life in danger.

I suppose I am somewhat glad to be back up norf. For school, you know. Not for the pleasantness of the area or anything like that.

Classes begin on Tuesday, and I'm excited about classes beginning on Tuesday for the following reasons:

-- I have a seminar with a professor that I know is super-smart, super-interesting, AND! moderately hip. No lie. I even saw him wearing a fitted blazer some time last term. He's very boho-chic I think.

-- I'm taking a class called "The American Empire."

What? Who said the American Empire doesn't sound like an exciting topic for a course?

That's right. Nobody said that. Because nobody wants to feel my academic wrath.

(See how I put "wrath" in italics, meaning I italicized it? That means I ain't playing about the wrath. Better recognize. My wrath is serious. I'm talking cutting the eyes, taking a deeep breath, and going on for longer than you can even imagine (unless you've felt my wrath before) about the reasons why I'm right and you're wrong. Scary, right? Yeah. So don't test me about the wrath.)

(Okay, so I'm lying. My wrath is more like me shrugging my shoulders and saying "whatever" to whoever disagrees with me. But that's not as threatening is it? Ah, well.)

Now, what in the world was I talking about?

*scrolls back up the page* (you can do it too if you don't remember, but you're probably just wasting your energy since I'm probably going to reintroduce it down here, but you know. Do what you feel.)

Right. Reasons to be kind of excited about this new term. (See?)

-- I get to "buy" (buy = borrow from the library) books called Urban Triage: Race and the Fictions of Multiculturalism and Adventures in Singing. I absolutely can't wait to find out why multiculturalism is a crock, and I'm also hyped to find out what exactly can make singing an adventurous endeavor. (I'm guessing it has to do with either bungee cords or parachutes, but I'll let you know.)

-- last but not least, I get to take another class consisting entirely of my cohort and maybe one or two AMST dabblers. I have already mentioned how much I enjoy my (5-person, all female, all awesome) cohort, and that is because somehow -- despite rambling professors, ridiculous books/assignments, and first-year nervous stress/jitters -- we have all managed to make this grad school thing pleasant, enlightening, and periodically punctuated with home cooking, dancing, gossip, and karaoke. Yeah. And I think the karaoke says it all.

So what more can I say? One term down, five to go, but this new one's looking pretty good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces, but He will heal us. He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds.

Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us seek to know the Lord. As surely as the sun rises He will appear -- He will come to us like the winter rains, and like the spring rains which water the earth. ~ Hosea 6:1, 3

who's still alive?

2005-12-19T17:14:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive! Yay!

Finals week has been a bit of a drag, what with academic work in addition to my (seasonal) position as a going, great-ening, greenifying soldier.

So, this isn't a real post, just a note to say hooray! I'm almost done. One exam on Wednesday, two short soldier shifts on Thursday and Friday morning, and I'm gone!

Also, I have the best cohort known to man. Or woman. Humanity? Yeah, I guess that's fair and PC. But anyway, the cohort's tight. More on that some other time. Maybe when I'm officially done for the term. Peace out for now, whoadies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ~ Psalm 23:1

go. be great. be green.

2005-12-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

No, this is not a ringing endorsement for Ralph Nader, or any attempt on my part to get more of y'all to eat your spinach. I'll leave that to Popeye. And whoever shills for Ralph Nader.

I now belong to a corporate cult.

Evidence? From my employee handbook:

Go. Get things done.

Be great. Achieve excellence.

Be green. BE THE BRAND.

Apparently, "these are the principles we live by," and this is "our cultural rallying cry."

I know. I know you're wondering what in the world it means to "be the brand." I haven't a clue what it means, and I'm scared to find out. I have an eerie feeling the company has some kind of secret "branding" ritual for employees after we pass the 30-day mark. But until then I only know that "being the brand" has something to do with "merchandise dominance."

I have obviously underestimated the importance of my (seasonal) position in the Christmas department. I'm a soldier, people. It is my sacred duty to support my company, and I will raise our cultural rallying cry as I beat the streets to greenify the nation!

*

*

*

Yeah, right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation. ~ Colossians 1: 21-22

lol.

2005-11-30T20:40:00.000-08:00

This is the most absurdly coincidental thing I've read in a long time. Seriously. When I read this, I laughed until I couldn't breathe:

November 29, 2005
Ronald MacDonald Robs Wendy's, Loses Job
MANCHESTER, New Hampshire - A name like Ronald MacDonald might have raised suspicion from the start for a Wendy's employee.
Now the 22-year-old MacDonald has been charged with stealing from a safe at the Wendy's restaurant where he worked.
The man is no relation to the cheerful, red-haired clown who is the face of the McDonald's advertising campaign.
The restaurant manager said he found MacDonald and another employee taking the money at about 1:30 a.m. Monday.
MacDonald and Steve Lemay, 20, were detained at the store until police arrived.
MacDonald is expected to face a probation violation charge along with theft charges.
(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Now, really. What self-respecting Wendy's franchise would hire a dude named Ronald MacDonald? Come on. Letting the enemy walk all up in your operation, that's self-sabatoge! Not a smart move.

(Unless Wendy's set the whole thing up for publicity, in which case, kudos to them for such a stroke of genius!)

*by the way I had a great Thanksgiving -- thanks for the warm wishes!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

The end of a matter is better than the beginning, and patience is better than pride. ~ Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NIV)

big girls don't cry. . .

2005-11-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

When they have to spend Thanksgiving away from their families for the first time EVER.

What, what're you staring at?

No, those aren't tears, I was chopping some onion. You know, in preparation for the dressing I'm going to make for my first Big Girl Thanksgiving.

Yeah, those onions. They get me every time.

In other news, I think I'm getting a job very soon. Yay! And, um, let's see. Oh, right, I have a ton of work to do which is not letting me do my readings for class very often. So most days I'm the girl in the middle of the room trying to nod and look alert and aware, taking strategic notes when someone says a buzzword I know, when in reality I'm lost in space until I get enough downtime to play catchup.

This is, partly, my fault, because I have let my downtime be sucked up into strictly non-American Studies student-ish activities. I recently discovered a new writer, Elizabeth Gaskell, who lived in Victorian England in the 19th century but wrote some fabulous (very hard to put down) novels -- one of which was the basis for a spectacular television adaptation that almost (almost!) puts the 1995 P&P to shame. So in endeavoring to enrich my cultural sensibilities I got trapped into exploring all of her novels. I'm now on my third, called Mary Barton, and there are two more to go. They are fantastic procrastination fodder, but I'm almost done with them. Then I'll probably be back on track. Probably.

In still other news, guess who went to see the new Pride and Prejudice film!

*

If you guessed my mama, you're really mean.

It was me! On Saturday I took a 15 minute busride to the only theater in town that was showing it (limited release, you know. but had I been in Shreveport, I'd still be waiting. so there!) Oooh, the movie was just grand. I'm a die-hard fan of both the ancient, now somewhat goofy 1940 version and the wonderful 1995 6-part smorgasbord, and I really didn't have high expectations of this new one once I heard Keira Knightley was the star. (no, I'm not hating. I just think it's very hard for her to act her way out of a paper bag, is all.)

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised with the film, and I do love it very much. This might be overdue to the breathtaking cinematography, which was nothing short of amazing. Yes, I am such a punk that I almost cried at the beautiful shots of the Peaks, and the English countryside.
But, I was also impressed by the performance of the new Mr. Darcy. From the trailer I didn't think I'd like him, but obviously (and redundantly, lol) I was wrong. He's great in the role. And even Keira's OK. She did tend to play Lizzy as a little too giggly and gawking for my taste, but other than that she was believable. She certainly didn't detract from my enjoyment of the film as I was almost positive she would. So that's something.

No time to write more, am off to class now. No I haven't read, but luckily reading is not very important to this class. More important is showing up and contributing a few timely and really meaningful remarks to the discussion. And we all know I'm a pro at doing that.

Okay, so I was being sarcastic there. But I try my best to be productive, anyway.

more visuals!! (autumnal ones.)

2005-11-05T17:23:00.000-08:00

As promised. Today when I went out I actually took my camera along, and was able to snap a few more pics of my neighborhood. The sky was overcast, but I think that made the pictures even awesomer. (yeah, that's a word. look it up.) Atmosphere, and all that. They're no breath-taking Montana mountains, but they make me smile. :) <---------- see?

this is down the block from my house. was going to take a shot of my building, but people kept passing by, lol.

and surely you recognize the beautiful garden of solitude:

loring lake, complete with geeses

and of course things'll be great when you're DOWNTOWN!!

Yeah, woohoo!! That's my hood. Actually, I don't think I'll be posting any pictures of my building, because I don't wanna tempt anybody out there with latent stalkerish tendencies, so I'll just leave that alone. LOL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen. ~ Romans 11: 33-36

pitiful episodes in pointless pontification.

2005-11-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

*clears throat*
Right, this is a venting entry. You have been warned.

*
*
*

Now, I knew when I signed up for phd school that I'd be spending a big chunk of my time discussing theory and principles, paradigm shifts and whatnot. But I didn't know it would get old so quickly.

I'm all for learning my discipline (or my several disciplines, since I'm a super-cool American Studies student), but I wish we spent less time dwelling on these intellectual suppositions that 95% of the people in this country could care less about. I signed up for phd school because I want to understand folks, so I can be able to help folks understand themselves in relation to everybody else, not because I want to be stuck in the theory jungle trying to hack my way out by making up new phrases and critiques and paradigms and whatnot.

The Ivory Tower is not the place I want to be, and I don't want to learn and think and write for people in the Ivory Tower. Start praying for me now if my future is going to be limited to writing articles and papers that no one outside of conferences will ever hear or understand. What good does that do society? What good would that do me?

I mean, I guess theory has its place in the grand scheme of things. Synthesizing information, reconciling events in history with the atmosphere of history, etc, but it's beyond frustrating when all we do is pick apart these intellectual explorations without even trying to apply them to the real world.

Anyway, like I said, I knew what I signed up for. It's good for me I guess. I am learning, and growing. Maybe it's up to me to sift the pragmatic wheat from the dogmatic chaff. Exercise those brain muscles (right, oh science genius friends of mine? you know who you are. what goes on when I exercise my brain?). Surely I can make more of an effort in that respect. Yeah.

Er. . .okay. Venting over.

Now in a completely unrelated and random transition, here are some lovely pictures of my lovely neighborhood. I know you've been dying for visuals. Sadly, I haven't yet gone out to get any pics of the beautiful autumnal leaf colors; hopefully I can do that soon. Well, I better do it soon before the leaves are all gone. Anyway, this is all you get for now (click them to hugeify them!):

the beauteous Loring Park

framed by lovely downtown Minneapolis

garden of solitude, sometimes -- though too it's too cold at present to properly partake of its peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not tell the truth:
But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and his word is not in us. ~ 1 John: 5-10

is your mom white?

2005-10-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Mine's not. She's Black. My daddy too. But that's neither here nor there.

Okay, so. My first term in phd school is very race-intensive. All my classes are dealing with race in America. Some more than others, but all more than none. Yeah. You got it.

Now, one particular class (Psychological Effects of Racism and Prejudice on Afams) is filled with some very (VERY!) opinionated people. Not always, you know, well-informed or articulate, but opinionated. I love this class. I look forward to it every Tuesday and Thursday, just because I never know what some of these folks are gonna bust out with.

Right, so today we were talking about Afams in Minnesota. (3% of the population. That's three Black folks for every hundred white folks you see walking down the street.) Well the discussion veered toward "subconsciously" racist behavior, and the professor offered up a personal anecdote of something that happened to him right before class today. He was walking through one of the parking ramps on campus, and he happened to pass a white lady. As soon as they'd made eye contact, she turned around to look back at her own car, and then proceeded to check and double-check her door locks with her little key remote. !!!!!!!!!!!

My professor shared this with us just to show that even though a lot of people think racism isn't very influential in our lives anymore, we ought to think more critically about its residual effects. Good point, right? Yes. BUT! This wasn't very convincing to one girl (yes, a white girl) because she immediately started to reply that the instance in the professor's anecdote could've been caused by anything. I was already rolling my eyes and turning away from her, when just about the whole rest of the class broke out with a great roar of "NOOOO!!!!!" I almost fell out of my seat laughing. Not at the girl and her stupid comment of course, because that would be mean and disrespectful, and that's not me. I was laughing at the unexpected reaction from the class; it just tickled me to see these twenty frustrated people all trying to get the point across, so frustrated that all they could do was exclaim. Well.

That outburst set the whole class abuzz, and the next thing I know one of the more outspoken Black girls is talking about how in her own personal life she tries to combat that kind of "subconscious" racism by flipping it around to antagonize white people, by clutching her purse when she sees a white man, or locking her car door when one stands near her on the street. I think she thinks little things like that might make a white person stop to wonder why a Black girl might be doing that. Yeah. So out of absolutely nowhere, a different (white) girl asks Antagonistic Girl if her mother is white. What?!!!?!? Yes, the girl in question is biracial, but a lot of us in the class had trouble figuring out where Inquisitive Girl was coming from or going to. She quickly responded to our bewildered and wondrous looks by saying, "Well I just wondered how you felt doing that to someone of your own race. The same as your parent."

Oh. and then. it all. broke. loose.

I'm talking about necks working (not mine), eyes rolling (yes, mine!), eyes glaring (not mine), and a generally strong show of disapproval. IG got quite a bit of tongue-lashing from a couple of folks failing to see what parentage had to do with the desire of teaching white folks a lesson, and one soul even dared ask IG if her mama was white, endeavoring to show her the complete irrelevance (and impropriety, really) of such a question. LOL. I thought things were getting a bit out of hand with that, so I tried to help the prof bring in some calm coolness by getting off the subject, but the class was having none of it for a good minute. IG tried to kind of shrug it off; she sank down a bit in her chair while the Outspoken Gang continued to remark on how ridiculous she was. Poor thing. A little bit of tension (and quite a bit of hilarity for me) hung in the air for the rest of the hour.

I'm still laughing now as I type this 4 hours later.

That class is awesome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today

Therefore prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do, for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." ~ 1 Peter 1: 13-16 (NIV)

why i (personally) hate verizon wireless*

2005-10-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

*the entity. not the individuals employed by said entity, though on occasion I have wished for a few of them to stub their toes or bump their funnybones, but that's different. so don't write me all mad because your cousin's friend works for Verizon and she's the bomb and I'm just hatin. Don't wanna hear it.

Okay, so first things first. Shout-out to Ray, who gave me an idea of how I might be useful to people displaced by Katrina and Rita [subliminal message] click the button and donate some money to Habitat for Humanity if you got some money! [/subliminal message]

Now. Next things next, notice anything new about me? No? (how many "n's" in that sentence?)

Think it over. Are you sure you don't notice anything new?

Well, I guess I'll just tell you then.

I got a new phoooone!!!!!!!!!!!

*Sidenote: For all of you out there asking how you could've possibly "noticed" my phone when you can't see me, um . . . I don't have time to deal with your trivial questions when I have a new phone!*

Yes, people, I am no longer communicationally challenged, and I am fully in-touch with the rest of the world. These past few weeks made me realize just how impersonal emails and instant messages are; it was terribly hard to get across my ironic laugh in print. But no more of that struggle. I'm free! Woo hoo!!

Although sadly, there is a downside to my new phone. It is necessarily connected to my bloodsucking, spirit-draining contract with Verizon Wireless, the company I (personally) hate. There are 9 whole months remaining on the service contract I signed with them, and they can't pass quickly enough for me.

For the first two years of my cellular life, I and the company got along pretty well. I paid, they provided. I had problems, they solved them. I cooked, they cleaned. Perfect symbiotic relationship, right?

Until about 5 months ago, when things began to curdle, and Verizon became selfish. And lazy. The trouble began innocuously enough; my super-hip slider phone stopped working in the middle of a conversation with my grandma (I know, I'm so sweet huh?). I didn't know what the problem was, but all of a sudden no one on the other end could hear me speaking. Well, I was beyond perplexed, and of course I called the customer service line for some assistance. I recieved none.

What I got instead was a lot of education about how the Verizon website is so much more efficient than the phone line (right, even though there's no semblance or shade of customer service present on the Verizon website), and a headache from having Michael Bolton and LeAnn Rhymes pounded into my ear for twenty minutes while I waited on hold for anyone, and I do mean anyone to pick up and sustain a conversation with me without having to transfer or reroute me. Man, I probably would've been satisfied if the janitors had picked up and said hello. Or my grandma. (Awwww! lol.) However, all that time spent waiting was completely unfruitful, and long story short, they did nothing to solve the problem.

So I was stuck with a $200 paperweight. I had to send for my old, significantly less super-hip phone. I was quite disappointed, but that was only disappointment, the foundation as it were for the hatred that was to come.

Fast forward about, um, 5 months to the present day. I move to Minnesota, and am broke, so I can't afford to have two different phone bills. I'm depending solely on my cell for communication with the world outside of Minneapolis. About 3 weeks after I arrive and am settled, and there is no turning back, my trusty old significantly less super-hip phone suddenly decides to cut off a conversation of it's own. This time with my dad. In a familiar moment of deja vu, I heard my father on the other end of the line, calling my name and asking if I was still on, while I sat screaming into the speaker, absolutely unheard.

Saddened by the gradual realization that, alone in a strange city, with not even a basic grasp of the layout of my neighborhood, I was going to have to communicate with my family, friends, and school colleagues without a phone. And more distressingly, I was going to have to find my way around the city without the constant aid of the oh-so-helpful Metro Transit hotline! Frightening thoughts.

To quell my fears, I headed for the nearest payphone (3 blocks away!) and dialed up customer service. And because the wounds are still raw, I don't even want to detail the cold, callous way they treated me. No help to offer, no replacement, no assistance with an insurance claim, not even a kind word of consolation. One day out of warranty, and all I get is, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do for you."

Right. As many people as I talked to, over a span of 5 or 6 days, I got a different story from each one, and that was the worst of it all. Not only does Verizon not care that I'm alone in a strange city with nothing but text messages to keep me connected to the world, but (and yes, this is finally the reason why I (personally) hate Verizon Wireless), they actually train their employees to drive customers crazy by sending us off in fifteen directions at once, muddling our minds and confusing our courses of action, until we don't know which way to go to get the help we need to resolve our troubles. I ended up in a torrent of despair, as the last person I talked to basically told me to suck it up and buy a new phone. Had I been weaker, or had I talked to a few more CSRs and got sufficiently soft in the head, I might've actually taken him up on the proposition. Which, I'm sure, is all Verizon wanted in the first place.

It's a heartless, heartless thing to do to somebody just to get another $200 out of them.

So yeah. It's over between me and Verizon. I pulled a Brad Pitt and emotionally checked out of the relationship. We're together on paper, but suffice it to say I no longer feel like cooking.

(Oh, P.S. -- sorry about the Brad Pitt reference. LOL. But I think that's the perfect analogy though, don't you?)
(Oh, and P.P.S. -- Where in the world is that parentheses intervention? I'm getting worse, for goodness sakes.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Verse For You Today:

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all. It teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness, and to live self-controlled in the present age.

~ Titus 2: 11-12

you should all be so proud of me.

2005-09-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

Why? Well, just because, right? You don't need a reason.

No, you don't.

Oh, but I do have a reason.

I have gone through two whole weeks of classes, and have only been late twice! Isn't that wonderful!

I feel like I could keep this up all term long. I'm optimistic like that.

(But, um . . . don't be surprised in November if I come in here complaining that I lost half a letter grade for being tardy too many times to some class or another. I mean I am optimistic, but I can't completely change overnight. Baby steps, people.)

Oh, and also! Guess where I am typing this entry right here.

No, not on the slow library computer with the sadistically buzzing timer, but from my very own (crappy) computer on my lovely desk in my own lovely apartment.

Yes, that's right. I am no longer broke (though still poor) and I can actually afford internet service! Yay! This is another reason to be proud of me; I managed my money so well (meaning I scraped up every last penny I could find in my old purses and jeans pockets and ate little more than ramen and cereal for two weeks, lol, but that's neither here nor there) that I got connected weeks before I thought I'd be able to. And, I say AND! I installed it myself. I am now a whiz at electronic installation. (Well, whiz is putting a bit strongly I guess. Considering I spent a good 45 minutes going "Wait, what? Where does this cable go? What goes into the wall? What's this box for? Why are all these lights blinking? Huh? Who's talking?" LOL. At the time, I felt more like a fuddled old lady looking for her spectacles than a modern day do-it-yourself kinda girl. But I suspect this description may be sinking me in your estimation so that's enough of that there.)

I'm still ecstatic over the newness of it all. I hope all you wonderful people have something to be ecstatic about as well, or at least reasonably well pleased. If not, let me know, I can probably think of something for you.

(By the by, I just noticed that this entry is just about 80% parenthetical info. Wow. Should I have bothered with the parentheses at all? Oh! I'm still using them. lol. I think I'm addicted. I need an intervention. Somebody set it up.)

(_________________________________________)

_________________(____________________________)

_________(_________________)

((((((((Oh.my.goodness.gracious! I need help. I have a problem.))))))))

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A Verse For You Today:

"Behold, I am coming and will dwell in your midst," declares the Lord.

Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord, for He is drawn forth from His holy habitation.

~ Zechariah 2: 10, 13

fema man.

2005-09-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

oooooooh. . . he is gonna get it!

You know when George Bush is on television actually admitting that the federal government messed up and was not doing its job, somebody is getting ready to pay for him losing all of that face. I don't care what my mama says, Fema Man is going down. He may not get fired and he may not be asked to resign; he may not even get shot (which is what I thought might happen to him last week). But rest assured he is going to be roundly punished for making George Bush say that something that went wrong was his fault.

It's too bad I can't find it in my heart to feel sorry for him. Maybe I will, when word spreads that in addition to his position as Fema Man, he's also responsible for scrubbing the White House toilets or something. Yeah, maybe then.

Maybe not though.

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A Verse (well, Some Verses) For You Today:

O Lord, You are my God. Early will I seek You. My soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land.

Because Your love is better than my life, my lips shall praise You.

Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice.

My soul follows hard after You, and Your right hand upholds me.

But those that seek my soul to destroy it, shall fall into the depths of the Earth. ~ Psalm 63: 1, 3, 7-9

a big, big, big old sigh.

2005-09-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

That's me right now. I'm not carbon chains or amino acids or hair or skin or protein or anything. I'm just one great big sigh.

I can't explain it very well. I don't kow what's going on.

Well, no. That's a lie. I do know what's going on.

I'm experiencing dissatisfaction with myself, with no real way to get out of it. I just have to wait for it to pass.

Are you asking why I'm so dissatisfied? You're a good friend. (And, if you were saying to yourself that I have absolutely no reason to be so dissatisfied, then you're a wonderfully great friend.)

It's a strange thing that's never happened to me before, but these little pins of guilt have been pricking me these past couple of weeks since Katrina hit.

I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I didn't cause the hurricane. That's not where this crazy guilt is coming from. It's coming from my day-to-day activities in the wake of the storm. I get up and go to class and have to listen to people intellectualizing and theorizing about what's wrong with the world, and the country, when what's wrong with the world and the country is staring us all in the face, and what can I do about it?

All I have is prayer to give, and I know it's a mighty strong force. But it's a spiritual, a mental force, and for all the good I know it does in my soul and my mind, my young, strong body is constantly accusing me of being inactive.

I don't know how long this will last.

Don't be worried for me though, anyway. I'm not depressed or really downhearted or anything. Take my word for it, because I don't know any other way to prove it in writing. lol.

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A Verse For You Today:

The Lord sees not as man sees, for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks into the heart. ~ I Samuel 16:7b

oh.my.goodness.gracious.

2005-08-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!

We're talking about a whirlwind here, people.

There's so much that I have to tell you. Literally loads of experiences, insight, knowledge, and wisdom to get off my chest.

But it's got to wait, you see, because at this very moment in time, your dear friend is a pauper.

She's poor. She ain't got no money.

(And you know, if you're on the logic train, you should be stopping now at the "Oh, she can't afford the internet yet" junction. Welcome!)

Yes, right now I'm sitting in the Minneapolis Public Library and typing faster than I ever have before (approximately 20 words per minute) for several reasons:

-- I'm sitting here almost illegally, seeing as how I don't officially have a libe card yet, and it's only because the nice man at the front desk is actually a really nice man, and he let me slide in under the rug, so to speak.

-- I haven't even seen anything resembling a webpage for over a week.

-- I have much business to handle and the evil ticker at the top of the screen keeps buzzing and reminding me that time is ticking away faster than I am typing.

So, I gotta go. I'll be back soon (and yes, that does still mean less than 34 days. Also, can you believe the Mpls Public Libe limits its patrons to one hour of internet usage a day?!! Shocking. But I offer that as proof to you that I will be returning. I'll have to.).

Until then. I know you're all busy beginning new lives too. Why not leave me a note about what's going on with you? (note: noun. a piece of correspondence passed between friends and marked by pretty colors, funny words, interesting and exciting stories, whether made up or true. usually written with comprehensive, almost exhaustive detail.)

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One Of My Favorite Verses For You Today:

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!! ~ Psalm 38:4a

capital letters in blog titles are lame.

2005-08-07T16:26:00.000-07:00

Almost as lame as I am for not writing anything in over a month!!

Where have I been you ask?

Absolutely nowhere, I answer. But what I've been doing is a much more complicated and interesting (maybe? well, no not really. . . well, I guess we'll see if it's interesting when I get to it, okay?) question that I can't answer so quickly as the first.

Begging your pardon, you 6 or 7 people who have been checking in to see if I still exist, for my long period of absence from this rambling den of randomness. I have returned. Though not with a proper entry. But I promise that that will come soon. And by soon I mean less than 34 days.

Once again, am ever so sorry to have been gone so long, am most anxiously looking forward to spilling out all my thoughts for you all to pick apart, and am extremely desirous of being accepted back into your gracious hearts and minds, likewise reassuming my proper title, which I reclaim now, longing to be reknown as yours truly,

The BEST Blogger. Ever.

Rest In Peace, Mr.Vandross.

2005-07-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

I was speechless when I heard the news on Friday night.

Everybody knew he was sick, he had heart trouble, diabetes, a stroke. But that was years ago, and everyone was saying that he was on the mend. That he was coming back to us. When I finally saw him singing a little bit again on the Grammys last year, I really started to believe that he could have thirty years left in him. But I was wrong. Luther is gone.

I can't say that I was always a fan. In fact when I was little, I was the complete opposite of a fan. But blame it on my innocence, I guess. I mean I was 4 or 5 years old, and the last thing I wanted to hear was Luther singing about love and romance, which to me were just icky/sappy grown-up things. The last thing I wanted to see was my mama headed toward the record player with a Luther album in her hand, because I knew it was gonna be an all-day, dance around the living room and sing into a broom handle Luther-fest, and my little self hated it.

Of course, as I got older my mind changed about him. I started listening to his voice, and the words he was singing, instead of just sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "la-la-la-la" to drown him out. I started appreciating his voice, one of the most rich, clear, resonant voices the world has ever known. And I started appreciating his style. Everybody laughs when somebody tries to imitate Luther and they do the creep -- the world-famous, spine-tingling way that Luther could work several tones and vibrations into one note -- but we laugh because we know nobody can do it like him. He was inimitable. Yeah, it's cliche, but there will really never be another.

I'm not gonna use the lame line about half the population owing their lives and existence to Luther's music. A lot of people say that, and yeah, maybe it's true, but there's so much more to his music than bedroom grooves. He was an artist, a writer, a musician. Not just some old lounge singer that got people in the mood. If you know his music, you know what I mean.

Lush is the right word for his voice, and sumptuous is the way to describe the melodies he used to display that beautiful instrument. I defy anyone to listen to "Here And Now" and not be in awe of his talent. Just listen.

And while you're at it, check out my favorite Luther song of all time, also his first single and his first hit too. Never Too Much. He wrote that. All. Those gutar riffs. That sooo smooth bridge, "oh my loooove. . ." All of that. Every time I hear this song I get extremely happy. I'm smiling right now because I'm listening to it while I'm typing this. That first pluck of the strings at the opening is one of the quickest ways to brighten my day. That's just one small part of the legacy Luther Vandross is leaving, and the impact his music has made on my life. At least that will last forever.

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A Luther Song Today.

"Never Too Much"

I can't fool myself, I don't want nobody else to ever love me .
You are my shinin' star, my guiding light, my love fantasy.
There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you.
You're at the top of my list 'cause I'm always thinkin' of you.

I still remember in the days when I scared to touch you.
How I spent my day dreamin' plannin' how to say I love you.
You must have known that I had feelings deep enough to swim in;
That's when you opened up your heart and you told me to come in .

Oh, my love
A thousand kisses from you is never too much;
I just don't wanna stop.

Oh, my love
A million days in your arms is never too much .
I just don't wanna stop,

Too much, never too much, never too much, never too much.

Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started
I called you up, but you weren't there and I was broken hearted .
Hung up the phone, can't be too late, the boss is so demanding
Opened the door up and to my surprise there you were standing.

Well, who needs to go to work to hustle for another dollar
I'd rather be with you 'cause you make my heart scream and holler.
Love is a gamble and I'm so glad that I'm winning,
We've come a long way and yet this is only the beginning.

Oh, my love. . .

The Stein Mart Chronicles

2005-07-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, what a week it has been. Or ten days. Or however long it's been since I updated this thing.

So anyway. Today I had the day off from work. (Ever so kind of them to let me have these precious hours of rest before I work like 78 hours in a row next week.) And yes, I spent the day doing practically nothing. I took a walk, I baked cookies, and I had a marathon viewing of P&P. Yes that means I spent about five and a half hours staring at Mr. Darcy. It's been a good day.

Tomorrow though, I don't know. Because as all you perceptive folks already know, I go back to work tomorrow -- aaalllllll day loooooooooong. Open to close just about. And, all of the really-really-super-duper-perceptive folks know, I could be happier about that than I am. Really. I'd say that the happiness-about-returning-to-work meter could stand to shoot up another 60%. But that probably won't happen.

Why you ask? (You did ask why, right? Good. Because I wanted to tell you.) Because my job at Stein Mart as Cashier, Accesories Associate, and Expert Ladies Apparel Straightener is extra-extremely monotonous. So very monotonous that I'm about to throw out several synonyms just so you can truly appreciate the monotony of it all.

Dull.
Boring.
Tedious.
Mind-numbing.
Banal.
Droning.
Humdrum.
Vapid.
Bland.

Yeah. Sorry I had to do that. But I had to make you understand somehow.

Anyway, I'm not gonna complain anymore about my job. That's just not what I'm about. Believe me, (except for this past few minutes when I was just typing the above) I don't sit around thinking things like how tough I have it standing around an air-conditioned store looking at pretty clothes and jewelry and purses, and counting money all day long. I know I could have it much worse. I could've ended up cleaning animal cages at the zoo or something. Or I could be jobless, and thus be broke and sad and STILL bored. So I realize I've got a pretty good situation going on. And so I won't complain about my job anymore.

Now the people at my job? Well, that's altogether different. LOL.

They're not terrible people or anything. Just kinda wearisome. In a hilarious kind of "look at who I'm working with" kind of way. I know this is gonna sound really strange coming from a girl who reports her age as twelve-teen and does not want to relinquish her status as a teenager, but my goodness. The kids I'm working with are kinda making me wonder what it is I'm trying to hold on to. Quite a few of my coworkers are still in high school or just recently graduated from, and as I stand there at the cash register or accessory counter with them for hours on end while they expostulate on such weighty matters as what place is better to eat at, Panera Bread Co. or Joe's Crab Shack, I begin feeling my age. I guess that's a good thing though. This is not to say that there aren't some morsels of honest-to-goodness fun and stimulation had between my coworkers and myself each day I work, but they're few and far-between. Say, 10 minutes of good for every 200 minutes of blah. No, I'm exaggerating. It's more like 10 to 199. Yeah.

Anyway. Happy 4th of July! Happy Independence Day for all of y'all celebrating. Me? Well, there will be no barbecues, no picnics, no firecrackers for me. I'll be working.

(By the way, bonus points for anyone who knows the number of hyphens I used in this post without scrolling back up to count!) (Don't worry about what the points are for. You'll find out when the time is right.)

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A Verse For You Today

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in this law does he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree, planted by the rivers of water
that brings forth His fruit in His season.
The ungodly are not so, but are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgement,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the ungodly shall perish. ~ Psalm 1

Deep Rest = Depressed?

2005-06-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Just throwing that out there for you to ponder, because I was thinking about it and thought it was funny, in a lingustic-nerd sort of way.

Not that I know anything about deep rest. I'm waking up at 6:30 every morning for some mysterious and completely unjust reason. It's nothing new, but now that I'm working about 6 hours every day, getting up so early in the morning is starting to wear on me. Well, only a little bit. But it may get worse! What if, in the coming months, I start waking up earlier and earlier, until I just don't go to sleep at all?!? You laugh at this, but it just might be happening. I already had a couple of 4:30 mornings. Maybe it's just a matter of time before I'm awake 24/7. Man, that would suck.

And yeah, for everyone that doesn't know (which is just about everyone, I think) I am not in Minneapolis like you may have thought. I'm in Kansas City with my dad. What happened, you ask? Well, let's just say I decided I needed to rest this summer. Yeah, that's it.

Although, like I said before, I'm not getting any rest. Last week I got a job at a department store here. I'm a cashier, so the work isn't grueling or tiring or anything. It's just mind-numbingly boring. So for the 6 or so hours I'm standing around behind a register, I constantly have to think of things to do to keep myself from running out of the store and never returning.

On another note, I'm no longer going through Carleton withdrawal. I'm getting more and more used to Change. There is hope for me yet.

Just because I'm not tired of typing yet, I found another meme to do. Yeah, some say only the lamest bloggers do memes, but I've never claimed to be anything other than lame, so who cares.
The idea behind this one is to list 3 of the following:

Pet Peeves:
-- people typing "ya'll" instead of "y'all"
-- that Martin isn't out on DVD yet
-- the sound of patent leather squeaking up against itself

Favorite Sounds:
-- wind rustling leaves and grass
-- Stevie Wonder singing
-- bagpipes (seriously!)

Favorite Candy:
-- Smuckers jelly beans
-- Twizzlers
-- Butterfinger (nobody better lay a finger. . . ah, nevermind. . .)

Biggest Fears:
-- death/injury of loved ones
-- going blind
-- Bush with his finger on the button (or anyone on Earth, for that matter)

Favorite Department Stores:
-- Stein Mart (company loyalty!)
-- Bloomingdale's
-- Bergdorf Goodman (never been there, but I've always liked the name)

Most Used Words:
-- man
-- shucks
-- random
-- I just picked words out of the air, in case you can't tell. Like I really sit around counting the words I use. Man, shucks. That would really be a waste of time. Not to mention a really random thing to do.

Favorite Pizza Toppings:
-- sauce
-- bell peppers
-- olives

Favorite Cartoon Characters:
-- Darkwing Duck
-- Lisa Simpson
-- Count Duckula

Movies Recently Watched:
-- RIZE (man, that movie is amaaaazing! so thought-provoking, and um, dance-a-riffic.)
-- Mulan (lol. I was so happy when I caught it on TV. BE A MAN!!)
-- Pride and Prejudice (not the 6-hour extravaganza, but the cute b/w version from 1940. I love that one too! I guess I have no standards when it comes to P&P.)

Favorite Fruits:
-- pineapple
-- grapes
-- pears
-- oranges
-- bananas
-- strawberries
-- I know that's more than 3. I really like fruit. And I don't like limits anyway. You know I'm a natural-born rebel; I don't know why you expected me to follow the rules.

Favorite Vegetables:
-- onions (lol @ Edaeni)
-- asparagus
-- corn

And that's that. Wow, just think of all you know about me now that you didn't know before! This blog thing is awesome! (lol. yeah. awesome in a kind of narcissistic, time-robbing sort of way.)

Man, this was the longest entry ever! Shucks! Congratulations for making it to the end. I hope you enjoyed all the random.

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Been a while since I've posted A Song For You Today:

from "Help Me Believe" by Nichole Nordeman, This Mystery (2000)

When mustard seeds made mountains move,
a burning bush that spoke for You was good enough.
When manna fell from heavens high,
just because you told the sky to open up.
Am I too wise to recognize that everything uncertain
is certainly a possibility,
when logic fails my reasoning, science crushes underneath
the weight of all that is unseen?
. . .
If I abandon all that seeks to make my faith informed and chic,
would You show Yourself to me?
Help me believe, because I don't want to miss any miracles.

Go, Go, Go Shawty (It's My Birthday!!)

2005-06-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

(But I ain't partying like it's my birthday.)

So, wow. What a whirlwind week it has been. This is my first official entry as a college graduate! It's so exciting. Well, no not really. I'm actually a little nonplussed. (Know what that means? lol. Thesaurus!) Not that I'm not extremely happy to have completed my undergraduate education and received my Bachelor's degree (whooooo!!!!!! <---------- my happiness), it's just that I'm in limbo right now. It keeps hitting me periodically, little bursts of realization once or twice or thrice a day. I'm not a college student anymore. I don't go to Carleton anymore. I mean I'm saying, it's a big life change. And if you know me, you know that me and Change aren't like good friends. I don't call Change on the phone to see what she's doing. (yes, Change is a feminine entity, deserving a feminine pronoun, because I'm a feminine entity, and it's my change. so there.) And I'd never go by Change's house to see if she wants to see a movie or go dancing. We're just not cool like that. (Now me and Comfort and Joy? Totally different. We chill all the time.) (Man I am loving these parentheses today! Man.) But anyway. Change. It's tough for me, hard to really realize (lol.) my status. I'm not a college student anymore; I'm not a grad student yet. Weird.

But anyway, today's my birthday!! I'm twelveteen (that's 22 for you conformists), and I'm finally feeling the beginnings of adulthood. I don't know what's up, but I just feel like an adult. It's actually a cool feeling. I thought it would be a scary feeling, but no. It's not. It's cool.

Just so I mention it, and give the monumental event its due notice, graduation itself was very wonderful. My parents and brother and sister and my grandma and my friend all came to support me and cheer for me. I was so happy, watching everybody file across the stage, clapping and cheering for people, lining up and then walking across the stage myself and shaking the president's hand, and then finally getting my diploma!!, coming down, tossing my cap in the air, getting handshakes, and hugs and respect from all kinds of professors, and then taking a thousand pictures with my friends and family, and giving/getting a thousand hugs. Yeah, it was a good day.

I mean, until the ceremony was over, and the stupid college made us all move out of our rooms by 5 p.m. (don't tell anybody, but I wasn't gone until 6:30. . .shhh!!). It was a mess, moving beds and dressers and everything back into place. Everyone rushing to throw out all their junk and cart their bulky belongings outdoors. Bleh. Oh, if you could've seen me, dears, in my pretty white graduation dress (the southern tradition, I'll have you know!) and my gold slippers and all my jewelry, lugging huge storage bins and lamps, a bean bag, a refrigerator, a trunk, and so much more. It was a ridiculous sight. Yeah. Carleton is wrong for that. Or maybe it's my fault for having so much stuff. Or maybe it's the fault of my wonderful friends for giving me so many things to with which to try and furnish a bare apartment (thanks guys! love to you!).

No, wait. I remember. It's the school's fault for requiring us all to leave in the middle of the day instead of letting us fully enjoy our recent accomplishments and crossed milestones. That's right.

Stupid Carleton. (But oh, how I miss it! LOL. I am a stew of contradictions.)

Holiday? What In The World Is That?

2005-05-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

No, seriously.

My record is getting worse. We all remember the absent-mindedness that was my Valentine's Day (*hint: click the link if you don't remember*), and here we go again. Today is Memorial Day. The day known across the nation as a time to honor veterans of crazy wars, and barbecue the mess out of some hamburgers and chicken. Sadly though, in all of the rippin' and runnin' (as my Mama would say!) that is my life at Carleton, my memory did not remember Memorial Day, until my sister started talking about all the barbecue she was going to eat and my Dad about all the barbecue he was going to cook. Only then did it start to jel in my mind -- the end of May, everybody off of work, everybody talking about barbecue, Monday. . . *click!* And then it came to me. It's ridiculous. When I'm here, the goings-on of the rest of the world kinda get put off, while the papers and meetings and tests and all the rest of the junk I have to do everyday takes over my mind. (Scary!) There's no such thing as a holiday (this is even true for real Holy Days. Scarier!) on the Carleton campus. It's sad.

But luckily I don't have to deal with that mess anymore, because I'm getting up out of here in 12 more days!! Yeah!

Happy Memorial Day, anyway, everybody. Even if you forgot all about it like me.

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A Verse For You Today:

It is a faithful saying:

If we die with Him, we will also live with Him. If we suffer and endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown Him, he will disown us. If we are faithless, He will remain faithful; He cannot deny Himself. . . Study to show yourself to God as one approved, as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, who correctly handles the word of truth. ~ II Timothy 2: 11-13, 15

The Misadventures of Frank and Tina

2005-05-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

Or: A Night Out in Northfield.

Right. So I haven't been THE BEST BLOGGER! EVER! lately. I know. No excuses or anything. I just expect to be forgiven.

And with that, I'll move on! You love the randomness. I know you do.

Okay. Yesterday was our Senior Banquet. Our brilliant, magnificent, monumental, lavish, luxe, unforgettable Senior Banquet. Complete with dry chicken, raw green beans, streakers, unintelligible, slurred speeches, many varied and incoherent toasts, and plenty of drunk people trying to steal the wine from our table. An awesomely memorable evening on the whole.

(If you didn't pick up on the sarcasm above, I gotta ask why do you read this page? It's so not for you. LOL.)

Well, what could possibly top such a supper as that? Hardly anything. Almost nothing except, re-performing that classic International Festival Dance with Edaeni. And then going to a Visions of California information session, and finding out that next year's porgram will spend extra time in the following places: San Francisco, Catalina *and* Lake Tahoe. *AND,* I say, *AND,* they get to chill in Santa Cruz for the Steinbeck portion of the trip, instead of the unbearably lame Pajaro Dunes. Those lucky ducks. I hope they appreciate all the new improvements to the trip, man. Goodness knows I told them all about how good they're gonna have it.

And then, some hours later, after venting about prejudice and the campus community, the coolest kids on campus decided to go downtown for "HIP HOP NITE" at a local bar. On the way we met "Frank," who hung out of his third story window, just to say "hi" to us fine looking ladies. Did he have time to put his shirt on before speaking? Nope. Was he drinking? Probably. Nice enough guy, anyway. We then progressed to the scene of all the action -- "HIP HOP NITE." Did it live up to my expectations? Oh, yeah. Which is to say that "HHN" was as lame as lame can get -- wack music, too much smoke, and no one there. Right. Lame. So we went for food (walked thru the drive thru, yes I did, but I got my taco! and it was good!), and then we decided to hit up karaoke night at a different spot down the road. This was significantly much less lame than "HHN," as you can't help but have fun watching drunk fools dancing to somebody's terribly awful rendition of "You're As Cold As Ice." After an hour of waiting through many unnecessary screeches and many unnecessarily flat notes, and one unfortunate incident of some idiot actually *screaming into the microphone* (why?!!?) we CKOC (coolest kids on campus, if you remember. I sure do love abbreviations!) chose to wow the crowd with some Motown soul, singing "My Girl" and "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." And yes, just in case you were wondering, we were the best act of the night. LOL. After rounds and rounds of applause, much, much cheering, and a decidedly approving thumbs up from the rather nice old Karaoke Master, we left bar #2 in quest of the rest of our class, and didn't find them. Who cares though. Not me. And then, just for the sake of making a complete circuit, we went back to "HHN" and found it sooooo much lamer than before. Thus, undancified and weary, we made our way home. What a wild night, eh? You know it. Party people, we are.

Oh, and just so you know, from now on, my name is Tina. Or Belle. Whichever you prefer to call me. (Or Mulan! That's right, Edaeni. I'm taking it back!! LOL.)

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A Verse For You Today:

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? Then he should go to the church to be prayed over. Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another, so that you may be healed. The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. ~ James 5: 13, 14, 16

I Will Have Children.

2005-05-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Someday. Not today.

I promise.

So, anyway. I admit that I've always figured whenever I grew up I'd be a spinster.

(Your appropriate response: *gasp!* are you kidding?)

No, I'm serious. Especially lately, I haven't felt like marriage was in my future. Of course I don't know if I'm right, but really, when am I ever wrong? Right. So, I've never been too terribly interested in dating or marriage, etc, etc. Just hasn't been a part of my struggle. Dont ask me why. I don't know why. But, for the past week or so, a new desire for precious babies has sort of taken over my former apathy towards my future. Strange, no? Strange, yes. But even stranger is what I think has brought all this on. Wanna know? You do, don't you. :) I'll tell you.

Wait for it.

I said wait for it. Patience is a virtue, man.

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Watching The Incredibles has made me want to have children. Yup. And no, it's not because of Violet or Dash, or Jack Jack and me thinking that maybe my kids would have some super powers -- that would be a crazy thought because I'm not a Super. So I don't have any Super blood to pass on anyway.

Sidenote: Yes, I know I'm way too into this movie but it's a little late for criticisms. Where were you when I watched it the first time and wanted to sit through the second show? When I downloaded it? Hmm? Where was all that helpful insight then?

*crickets*

Well, all right then. It's too late for change now.

Anyway. It's not because of the Incredible kids. It's because of the other kid in the movie. You've seen it. You know of whom I speak. The other kid. On the trike. With the beanie. He first appears with a huge bubble gum bubble frozen in front of his face because he's so amazed at how amazing Mr. Incredible is. He last appears in a hyperactively excited frenzy because he witnesses the amazingness of the whole entire Incredible family. Yes. That kid. He.is.the cutest kid.ever.on screen.ever. Period. My favorite appearance of his is his second scene. This scene is also, I believe, responsible for the recent kicking in of my maternal instincts. If you are not familiar with the movie you are weird. No, really. But, for your sake I will recount the scene:

Mr. Incredible has had his worst day since the day he was sued by all these ungrateful folks whose lives he saved and was told to stop being a Super and live a normal life. He's been fired from his job, and he can't tell his wife, because they've just gotten settled in and no one wants to move again. So, he comes home dejected and weary. And he sees The Cutest Kid Ever waiting for him by his driveway, on his trike. With his beanie. Mr. Incredible is of course exasperated and angry (he has had a bad day, if you remember), so he's all extra mean with TCKE, and he says, "What're you waiting for!" TCKE looks at Mr. Incredible and says, "I don't know! Something amazing," and then he shrugs his shoulders and in this small little kinda-scared-but-still-gonna-say-anyway voice, he goes "I guess."

My gorsh. It's all just so precious that it makes me want to have a kid of my own. LOL. It's not rational. I know it. But that's what's up. So now I feel like I need to start paying attention to what's going on in my life re: marriage. Marriage is all of a sudden necessary for me, because I need to be married if I'm ever gonna have a TCKE to call my own. Seems like a drag right now, but who knows. I might get used to the idea in time.

Since I've been gone for so long (sorry!) there's even more to talk about! The International Festival was Saturday, and it was a bunch of fun and good eating. I did a dance, and I sang a song. Both were cool. So bittersweet though, because this is my last International Festival as a Carleton student. Man, I'm tired of thinking about everything like this, "This is the last time I'll get to do such-n-such. . ." but I can't help it. It is the last time. It's true. Things are winding up. But it doesn't follow that I need to be sad about it. I'll be happy. Yup. Because I've participated in 4, count 'em, 4 IFests here. And they were all something amazing. (I guess.)

My favorite picture from IFest 2005:

Vul'indlela!

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A Verse For You Today:

But God, who is rich in mercy, by his great love, even when we were dead in sin has quickened us together with Christ. . .for by grace are ye saved, through faith, and not that of yourselves. It is the gift of God. ~ Eph. 2: 4,5,8

(Man, it was so cool that one of my favorite verses was the background for ODB today. I felt special! Don't know why. LOL.)

I am well. My computer is well. Mall Of America Sucks.

2005-05-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not that last one. Well, yeah.

Okay. So I took my poor computer into the campus computer doctors last week, because they hadn't got rid of the viruses like they said they had. Last time I picked it up the computer guru guy told me he'd run all kinds of virus scans in safe mode and that had fixed everything. When he told me that, I was like, "Hmm. . .okay." Because I'd run the virus scans in safe mode before I even brought it to them, and I wasn't able to fix everything (red flag #1). But whatever. I really wanted my computer back because I missed it, so I took his word for it and brought my system home and hooked it up. Only to see the same virus I'd been fighting for weeks. Oh, but it had gotten smarter! Instead of connecting as soon as I turned my computer on, it waited 5 or 10 minutes before it started messing things up. The little rascal.

In despair, I brought my computer back to the "computer guru" (in quotes because you need to read it sarcastically -- guru he is not.) on Friday and told him he didn't fix anything. He looked at me like I was crazy (red flag #2), and had the nerve to be dismissive with me, like I had no good reason to be there. He said, "Yeah. We've got a long line of other systems to work on today, so maybe you should just come back on Monday. (red flag #3, otherwise known as the last straw.)" I almost went off, but I checked myself, so I only had an attitude in my mind; went a lil something like this:

What?! Wait all weekend to have a functional computer just because you didn't do your job right the first time? I don't think so. No indeed. I oughta let somebody know just how well you're doing your job, you non-virus cleaning jerk!!!

May seem like a harsh reaction, but if you know me, you know I can barely breathe without my computer. This was not a happy time. I was not a happy girl. So I was like, forget "Computer Guru Guy" (don't forget the sarcasm) I'll look some things up online and fix this myself! And that's exactly what I did. I am now happy to report that my computer is virus-free, spyware-free, trojan-free and virtually un-hijack-able. All thanks to me. Yup.

So that was Friday. Saturday and Sunday were peaceful and relatively uneventful. Some singing and dancing (Vul'indlela is my new anthem, and as soon as I know the words, and what they mean, I'm gonna sing it all day long!!). And Monday, I went to MOA which (as you already know if you're reading carefully, but I'll reiterate just in case you're not) sucks.

I mean, I say it sucks because, it just does. It's so sprawled out that you gotta plan exactly where you wanna go, and so you end up forgetting things or you never find a new store that you might like. Just, ugh. I went on Monday because I could go for cheap, and I really wanted a dress for graduation (37 days to go! whooo!!) and a Mother's Day present for my mama. I got both of those things, but at what cost to my soul? Don't even ask. The saving grace of the day was the looooooong, sooooooothing time spent lounging in the massage chairs at Brookstone. Yeah! I'm always saying I don't need a massage, or I feel fine, etc. but just a few minutes nestled in those nerve-melting cushions and my whole world view turned around. Well, not really. But I really loved the massage chairs.

Early in the day, around 1 o'clock me, Hustleman and Island Diva went in and sat down, and I guess we were taking too long, because this old man tried to be slick and unplug the chairs! Like we was just gonna get up and move along. Yeah right! LOL. I stayed right where I was, and that chair got plugged right back in. Trying to hurry me, I don't know who he thought I was, but I got my massage on in Brookstone for as long as I wanted! We came back in the evening before it was time to go, and I decided that I'd get my mama her present there. Of course after I actually spent some money in the store, they couldn't be stingy with the massage chairs. Well they could, but that wouldn't be nice. So I stayed in once again as long as I wanted, without any interruptions. Was wonderful. Made the whole trip worth taking. So I guess maybe I should revise what I said earlier.

The Mall Of America sucks if you don't go to Brookstone and get an hour's worth of massaging for every 3 draining, wearying hours that you spend running around trying to find Old Navy, Express, or the food court.

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A Verse For You Today:

Now, unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy; to the only wise God our savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen. ~ Jude 1: 24-25

The Viruses!! They Got Me!

2005-04-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm scurred to connect to the campus network right now. Last week I had an outbreak of viral infestation on my system. Still haven't quite recovered. I only connected long enough to type this and check my email. Few more days and I should be well enough to provide a real entry. Let's hope so.

Lots To Say.

2005-04-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just no will or wish to actually post it. Maybe in the next coupla days. Probably not though. We'll just have to see if I'm through feeling like a lump of clay detached from the rest of the world by then.

Moods. They're so unpredictable, aren't they? Yeah they are.

LOL. Why am I always answering my own stupid questions. I don't even know. Ha! I did it again.

You know what's good? Laughing at yourself. But if you can't do that, just go ahead and laugh at me. Laughter is good. And I'm pretty funny.

So funny, in fact, that I'm turning this into a real entry when I thought it was only gonna be an update for the sake of the update crazy (ahem. . .check the tagboard, lol). Don't be surprised! You already know that moods are unpredictable. Man, you learn so much from just reading this one blog.

Say, can I just say that I am increasingly growing to love CCM (that's Contemporary Christian Music, for those of you who don't know -- and that's yet another piece of knowledge I dropped on you! I am so wise!). Music has always been one of my favorite ways to worship, and I usually feel closest to the Lord when I'm singing or humming or even just listening to a song. Well I only used to listen to gospel, and the familiar praise/devotion songs. Pass Me Not. Glory, Glory Hallelujah. Etc. But one fine spring day in the spring of 2004, I somehow discovered a song by a woman named Ginny Owens. It was called "If You Want Me To," and once I heard it I couldn't stop hearing it. It's such a simple and beautiful pledge of devotion to the Lord and His will even when we don't know where we're going or why we're going there. I used to play it for hours and hours. I wonder if my roommates remember that time?

So I branched out to find more of her music, and I found it to be equally wonderful. I started looking for similar artists. And then I found her. The one and only, so often quoted in the "song for you" excerpts that you should know who I'm going to say before you read it. Think about it.

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Nichole Nordeman.

You've heard me sing her praises many times. I only just started listening to her this past fall. And the first song of hers I knew by heart is called "Fool For You;" it's all about faith. She sings so sweetly, "I will be a fool for You, all because You ask me to. A simpleton or seemingly naive, I do believe You came and made Yourself a fool for me." Powerful words, no? Yes. I looooooooooove Nichole Nordeman. So, of course I grew to love more and more of her music, as you can see. So I started looking for artists similar to her. (See a pattern forming? Well that's a sharp eye you've got!) This led me to finding my newest CCM favorites -- Bethany Dillon and Jennifer Knapp.

Each of these women has a different sound -- Ginny is more praise-ish, and wise and upbeat, Nichole is more instrospective; her lyrics will sometimes pierce my heart because they're just so true. Jennifer Knapp and Bethany Dillon both have a folk-rock edge to their music with guitars, drums, and even banjos (!)( lol.) on some of their songs. But they're all good to listen to in any of my several moods.

My roots are still with gospel, of course, but I like the way my musical tastes are expanding. It's a good thing.

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A Song For You Today:

Jennifer Knapp
His Grace Is Sufficient, Kansas (1998)
(this is actually a really upbeat, jazzy song. don't let the lyrics fool you. LOL.)

I've exhausted every possible solution, I've tried every game there is to play.
In this search for Christ-like perfection, I'm convinced I've only left my God ashamed.
I cry, I wonder, can He hear my despair?
Afraid to lift my hands, afraid He doesn't care.
And if He answers, and I fall again, can I still be His daughter?
Can I still depend on Him?
When I'm down I search every mistake, I'm looking for new regrets.
Sometimes I forget, I forget
that His grace is sufficient for me --
it's deeper, and wider than I concieve.

BOOOOOOOOO! hiss BOOOOOOO.

2005-04-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

What am I doing pulling a near-all-nighter in the spring term of my senior year of college? That mess just does not make sense. The boooing in the title is directed at not only my professors (who should've had the foresight and kindness to give me some exemption from actually having to do their assignments, just cuz I have this acute case of senioritis), but it's also directed at me.

*Gasp!! What?!*

Yes, I actually boooed myself. My extra-procrastinaterish self. I was up until 1:30 last night trying to write a 5 page paper for my poli sci class. It's due @ 5 today. And no, I'm not done yet. Still gotta write a conclusion. But the point is, I knew about this mug since last Wednesday. 7 days ago. And I've had precious little work to do since then. Write 2 poems and this paper. That's all I had assigned. 7 days. And neither thing is done at the moment. LOL. But it's not funny. But it is. But it's also a shame. So I get the boo. I deserve it a lil bit.

I know all y'all are saying 1:30 ain't that late, but whatever. It is for me! I already told y'all I was lame, and I meant that. Bedtime is like 10:30 or 11 on weeknights. Past midnight is practically an all-nighter for me. You don't know how tired I was last night. And still was up at 7 this morning! That's just not right, is it? Something's wrong with me for real.

Anyway, for those of you who know me very well, you also know that I absolutely love and cherish and honor the tv show, MARTIN. I was planning to do a little top 10 countdown of my favorite episodes, but somebody beat me to it. Check out KillaCal's tribute to one of my all-time favorite shows.

You Should Not Assume. . .

2005-04-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

. . .that I'll ever have interesting and meaningful things to say. Really. Because most of the time I don't. So why do I have a blog? Because I can if I want to! Shucks.

Anyway, yeah. So I'm not a blog-a-day kind of girl. But since certain people are update-crazy (ahem. . .check the tagboard. . .) I gotta put something down. Today it's a meme! A meme is a random bunch of questions that bloggers can answer when they can't be bothered to think of anything original to write about. Yup. That about sums it up for me. So awaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Were you named after anyone? Nope.

When did you last cry? A few hours ago when I had on my Nichole Nordeman playlist; "I Am" and "Every Season" always touch my heart and get me bawling for joy about how good God is and how He's always there and I'm getting misty just thinking about it so let me stop now. . .

Do you like your handwriting? Yes. It's beautiful. I do get a lot of compliments about my handwriting actually. And back in the 2nd grade in Mrs. Logan's class, I think that was the only subject I used to get A's in. Now that's some nonsense for you. How in the world did I make it into the 5th best liberal arts school in the country if I couldn't even get an A in 2nd grade English? I leave it to you to decide. LOL.

What is your favorite lunch meat? Roast beef. Or turkey I guess, if it's some good turkey and not the Oscar Meyer kind that's shredded and molded and flattened beyond recognition and then pressed into some kind of turkey-ish loaf. I can't stand that mess. If it's some Louis Rich or Sara Lee turkey from the real bird, then that's a different story altogether.

If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Man, no. I'm lame.

Do you have a journal? No. I do not. I have a blank book that I sometimes write my thoughts down in. But it's not a journal. It's a blank book. There's a difference. What the difference is I don't know, but I'm not gonna call it a journal, because that's what everybody calls it and I just am not like everybody else. I'm not! I will not be ordinary!! You can't make me!!!

**Interrupted by the Overreaction Police, who, after some resistance, handcuff me and lead me off to CALM SPRINGS**

1 hour later. . .

Okay. I'm back. I'm calm. But can we just call it a blank book please? Okay. Cool. Thanks.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Nope. Never. Ever.

Red or pink? What kind of question is that? Magenta, man.

Last thing you ate? A Pringle. Sour cream and onion flavor. Mmmm.

Last person you talked to on the phone? My brother. Yay!!

Last movie you watched? The Incredibles. It was incredible. (Breaking it down, into the Latin, "credo" is believe, and the prefix "in-" as in the opposite of, meaning incredible = unbelievable. As in The Incredibles was unbelievably good. Yeah. I broke it down into the Latin for absolutely no reason. That's right. But what are you doing reading things in parentheses anyway if you weren't looking for unnecessary information? That's what parentheses are for! Don't get mad at me for getting off-topic. I gave you the proper heads-up.)

If you could be on vacation anywhere right now, where would you go? I don't know. I guess right here, since I'm in my bed and I'm sleepy. Sounds perfect to me.

So on that note, I'm about to set off on my extra-luxurious vacation. I hope it's pleasant. At least I know I can afford it.

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A Song For You Today:

Nichole Nordeman, "Every Season," from This Mystery (2000)

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced,
teaching us to breathe.
And what was frozen through is newly purposed,
turning all things green.
So it is with You, and how You make me new,
with every season's change.
And so it will be, as You are recreating me,
summer, autumn, winter, spring.

Peer Pressure CAN Be Beautiful!

2005-04-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Indeed.

My great friend Edaeni has finally caved in and created a blog. Whooooo!! Oh, it's happening. I can feel it happening. Pretty soon more and MORE of my friends will join us 4, and we'll spread our bloggerish wisdom all over the cyber universe. We'll rule everything, like real dictators should! MUA HA HAAA HAA HAAAAAAA!!!

I can feel it.

You've been warned.

"In ATL I Caught A Case. . .

2005-04-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

. . .and the media tried to say, I had a habit, I couldn't manage, and I'm throwing my life away. . ."

That lyric is from "Again," by Faith Evans from her new album, The First Lady . Tell me why I love this song to death! Okay, the song is just pure goodness. It's full of wisdom, and I can't stop, won't stop playing it. It's not just cuz she's bold (lol.) enough to admit, in the song, for all to hear, that she got caught up on some nonsense for a minute, and it's not just cuz she actually goes the extra mile to say she's together now, and the media tried to demonize her on purpose. And not because of Faith's beautiful, rainy-whispery voice. It's not just because she's got this completely addictive Motown-esque drumbeat and these angelic "oohoooohoooooohs," and this twanging guitar strum going through the whole thing, forcing me to keep bobbing my head, shoulders, and hips to the inescapable groove of it all. (Yeah, I know you wanna hear it now, but I can't post it! Can't do it! You gotta go to the Amazon link and hear the sample, man. That's all I can do for ya.)

I love this song for all of the above reasons, but I love it to death because Faith makes sure to say, "I wouldn't take away the rain, cuz I know it made me who I am." She says, "If I had to do it all again, I've learned so much from my mistakes. That's how I know He's watching me."

Yes! That is it. That is the perspective I think we need to have. It rains, and we get sad and grey. But if we take that rain and use it for its true purpose, then it nourishes us. And we grow. Can't do it without rain. It just won't work, you know?

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Some More of This Song for You:

Nobody knows what life may bring.
It might make you happy,
it might make you sad sometimes.
But I know there’s a reason for everything.
That’s why I keep believing;
Whatever is meant to be it's going to be.

Random Things You Should Know

2005-04-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

First off, I bet this blows your mind: I recently found out that NO ONE, and I do mean NO ONE in the whole United States of America is really a conservative. Nope. No one. Not even you. You might think you're a conservative, but you're dead wrong. As it turns out, actually in actuality all of y'all who think you're conservatives are really just extremely guarded liberals.

Blew your mind this time, didn't I? That's right. Perhaps later on I'll elaborate on exactly why you think you're a conservative, and why you're wrong. Stay tuned.

***Abrupt Transistion Alert!!!!***

I really miss my sister. Haven't seen her in two years. That's too long a time. She's graduating from college next month though, and I'm definitely gonna be there when that happens. So be happy for me, Perseverant Ones, dears, suckas, and all the others out there who continue to read this mish-mash even though it is so extra mish-mashy. Be really happy for me, please, because in about 5 weeks, no in exactly 5 weeks, I'll get to see my sister again. Whoooo!! I can hardly wait. Not gonna institute a countdown for this though, because the last time I did that it didn't work out too well. LOL.

***Abrupt Transition Alert Numer Two!!!!***

I don't have anything that can be called a "spring wardrobe." This is truly a dilemma for me. See, in years before, when springtime finally rolled around after month upon month of gray sky, cold wind, and brown grass, I was too wrapped up in graduating from college to care about wardrobe. 'Tis true. But now I'm a senior. Graduation is no longer a dim possibility on the horizon. It is imminent, and it is guaranteed -- I'm getting ready to bust up out of here.

So for the most part, this term I'm like, "Forget classes! Shucks." This very senior-ific attitude leaves me with a lot of time on my hands. Some say it should be devoted to catching up on world events, or good books, or communing with nature. Me, I don't agree. I'm all wrapped up in wardrobe. But the sad part is, I'm not "wrapped up" as in "clothed in." I'm wrapped up as in I can't quit thinking about running up to the Cities and going to Savers, blowing all my money on some flowy skirts and strappy sandals. And you know that's not a healthy mindset. Especially when my extra-broke self needs to save up as much money as is humanly possible in 3 weeks in order to afford a plane ticket to North Carolina for my sister's graduation. (Remember? From, like, two paragraphs above? Yeah. That one.)

Anyway, though. I gotta go to class now.

Three.whole.hours.of.listening.to.people.talk.about.their.poetry.

Yes, it's as draining as that sentence would lead you to believe. But it'll give me 3 hours to ruminate some more on this near-desperate-but-not-really-desperate-yet situation. Do I need to change my mentality, or do I need to change my clothes? We'll see.

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According to this Verse For You (and me) Today, I'm worried about entirely the wrong clothes. Perspective is a good thing, is it not?

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against evil. Stand, therefore, having your loins girt with truth, and having the breastplate of righteousness. And your feet shod with the knowledge of the gospel of peace - Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith you shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. ~ Ephesians 6:11, 14-16

Update, Update. . .

2005-04-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

So here's an update for ya. This is the update right here. These words you are reading are the update. They are the news of my goings on, the summary of my personal world events, the synopsis of what's happening. Yeah. This is it. Keep reading if you want, it'll just be more of me reemphasizing that this these words are all the update I got for you at this present time.

Still reading?

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How about now? Well why are you still reading when I have nothing to say? You say you don't believe me? Oooooh. Okay. Obviously you are one of the precious few people who know that my life can never be as dull as I am suggesting right now. Well, okay. For you, and just for you, Perseverant Ones, if you scroll down the page just a bit more, you'll find my real entry. Go ahead. Scroll on.

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Psyche.

Happy one week and a day anniversary of April Fool's, suckas.

I'm out. I'll be back when I've got something to say. Or when I feel like thinking of something to say. Whichever comes first.

Might be a minute.

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A Verse for You Today:

Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds - his name is the LORD - and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
~ Psalm 68: 4-6

Can I Just Say. . .

2005-04-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of seeing people write/type this:

"ya'll."

What is that? It's poor grammar, and you know I can't stand poor grammar. If you want to use the contraction of the words "you all," the proper way to do so is "y'all." That's all I'm gonna say about that, y'all.

So I'm back in Minnesota. It's the same as it ever was.

Dang. It sure feels good to hear a song you haven't heard in a while. Especially when it's your song from way back when, and it brings back all those memories of where you were and who you were with, etc etc. Today for the first time in a loooong time I heard my song, Understanding by XScape.

Oh my goodness. This song came on LaunchCast radio, and I just almost fell out. I was probably 10 when it came out, so I was in the 4th grade. And everyday after school on the bus we would sing this and En Vogue Giving Him Something He Can Feel. And this girl named Roseta and this other girl named LaShaiya Bailey would always try to take the leads because they thought they sang better than everyone else. But whatever. On "Understanding" though, I would always try to sing Khandi's part "I tried so very hard to keep our love alive, but you don't wanna meet me halfway, then the understanding diiiiiiiiiies!" That was my part. You felt that girl's pain, right there. Her man was not listening; he was being selfish and she was feeling unloved. All that emotion. 'S a great song. It really is. Lol. I think you gotta know the song to understand. Nostalgia is fun though.

Also, why didn't anybody tell me today is Daylight Savings Time? I felt so played this morning; I woke up thinking it was 9:30, so I was getting ready for church. Then I saw my cell phone saying 10:45 and was like, "Wait a minute. . .I done missed the bus. How'd that happen?" And then I saw that it was Daylight Savings. Played.

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Another Nichole Nordeman Song Today:
"River God" from the album Wide Eyed (1998)

Holy River God,
little stones are smooth
only once the water passes through.
So I am a stone,
rough and grainy still
trying to reconcile this water's chill.

But when I close my eyes,
and feel You rushing by,
I know that time brings change,
and change takes time.
And when the sunset comes,
my prayer would be just one --
that You might pick me up and notice that I am
just a little smoother in Your hand.

Finally At School

2005-04-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

Yes I have arrived. Back at Carleton. Meh.

Say It With Me Now: F-L-A-K-E Spells Me!

2005-03-28T23:09:00.000-08:00

Guess where I am!

If you said "At school, duh, since it started today," you're dead wrong. And if you said "On the way to school," you're wrong too and also you're a li'l bit silly since, if I were at this moment riding on some instrument of transportation I could not at the same moment be typing this here entry and publishing it online. Come on now.

So, where am I?

Ha! I'm still at home. That's right. I spent Easter with my father and brother and not on some durn bus. And by a stroke of (bad?) fortune and a some of my own whimsy, I decided to spend Monday helping them settle in to the new house.

I know, I know. I was just saying how I needed to leave and go somewhere else, but yeah, right. When it comes down to it I like being with my family. So I'm missing two days of school. Just because. Lol. That's my flaky crust coming off right there. It's kinda weird looking, but it sure is appetizing, isn't it? Mmm hmm. You wish you had it.

Well, anyway. The new house isn't yet settled, but I don't have any more expendable days so I either have to leave tomorrow morning or drop out of school. Still debating at this point.

J/k, j/k.

I am really feeling the "enter" key tonight. Don't know why, but I thought I'd mention it, just in case someone's reading this and saying to him/herself, "Man, this chick is really into new paragraphs!" Just letting y'all know that I'm aware of this. I am.

After an entire week of completely dull gray sky here in Kansas City -- and I do mean completely dull gray, from dawn to dusk, not a cloud or sunbeam in the sky, just this thick sheet of dull, gray, dull grayness -- the sun came out yesterday morning. Easter Sunday morning. And I know it wasn't sunny everywhere in the world, but the symbolism I found in the weather really touched my heart. We were oppressed here under this cloud of darkness, just like the world was drowning under the weight of its own sins and shames, until Jesus sacrificed himself. The dawny sunshine that greeted me here yesterday morning just served as a quite powerful reminder of the utter gloominess and despair of sin, and the glorious light that God brings into my life. I'm so glad, SO glad, that Jesus lifted me.

Yeah, that came out of nowhere, didn't it? No transition at all. But just let it marinate anyway. Indulge me. Humor me. 'Tis the end of Easter Monday, dears. I'm going to school tomorry.

Enter.

Enter.

Enter.

Enter.

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A Song (Excerpt) (Well, Okay. It's Almost The Whole Song) for You Today

Nichole Nordeman ~ Home
This Mystery (2000)

Bright are the stars that shine
in somebody else's sky,
green is the grass that grows
someplace different.
More possibilities,
more than You offered me.
More than I care to see,
from a distance.

I was certain that the truth would be
in a place that kept eluding me.
But every stone turned and unturned again
would only serve to prove
that I never had to move to find You.

And You will always be
the only love I'll ever know.
And You have made for me
the only place I'll ever go home.

The Mystery of your love for me
is not as hidden as it seemed to be.
Should have known then when you said to me
"seek and you will find,"
it was right there all the time.

I believe in the quest and the journey.
I believe that the answers come in time.
And where we begin is where we are arrive.

Yes, Dears, It Really Is ALL Joy.

2005-03-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

I shall open with the following:

:)

That's right. I am no longer frowny-face; I am smiley-face. Nothing new has happened, nothing has changed. It's just that I never stay down in the dumps for long, thank the Lord. This spell lasted about a day and a half, for those who are curious. I think it's some kind of cleansing thing. Usually I take my life as it comes -- very good, bad, or bland as the case may be. So I was a bit confused at myself the other day, when I didn't even want to see things in a good way; I'm not used to feeling like that. But the feeling came and went, and I believe it has been a good lesson for me. Whom the Lord loves as His child, He disciplines, as the Mysterious Stranger wrote to the Hebrews long, long ago.

Moving on! And I mean that literally and figuratively, as my father and brother are in fact moving to a new house this Saturday. (See how I did that there? With the play on words? Yeah!) So, they're moving right before I leave for school. I'm just in time to help with all the packing and cleaning and lifting and organizing and such. Yay!! If you know me, you know how I feel about moving. It's not really yay. But I am kinda excited to see the new house and get it set up, get the furniture together and all. So maybe it's a mini-yay.

For this and other very obvious reasons, I am mad that school begins the day after Easter. This is not conducive to properly celebrating with my family in our new house, and I am seriously considering arriving at Carleton on Monday. In the afternoon. Missing my class. Seriously. We shall see what happens. Although, I guess I'd better decide quickly. Gotta get a ticket today, lol.

Okay. I decided. Monday it is. Yup. Which slightly changes my countdown. I do not, as you may have thought, have 7 days before I am thrown back into that swirling void of unreasonably hectic academia and a few lovely people better known to some but not many as Carleton College.

I have 8.

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A Verse for All Today:

My brothers and sisters, count it all joy whenever you face trials of any kind, because you know that tests bring perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. ~ James 1: 2-5

In The Doldrums

2005-03-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

Not much going on in my mind today. I feel like I'm in some kind of a malaise. . .like it's too much of an effort to actually do anything. Meh.

So I got a cavity filled the other day and hurt like I never expected to. Which means it didn't hurt at all. Was expecting pain and none came, except my jaw is a little sore from holding my mouth open for an hour.

Many of my friends are off traveling to fabulous places, having fabulous breaks. They better take lots of pictures, because I'm gonna need to live vicariously through them. Have fun in New York, Boston, New Orleans, St. Louis, etc, etc!!! I'm not going anywhere. My sister was supposed to come visit all the way from across the country, but she just found out she can't have the days off of work. All in all I am very :( Yes. I am very frowny-face. Which is not usual for me. And I don't like it.

I believe what it is is, I have been "on break" for entirely too long. November through March. 'S time for me to return to school. We're counting down until spring term begins. I'll try to make the most out of these last few days at home. Right now I think they're too languid and routine, but I need to be grateful for the peace they bring. In a couple of weeks I'll probably be wishing for some stress-free time like this.

11 days to go.

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A Verse for Me Today:

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. ~ Psalm 4:8

And So It Goes. . .

2005-03-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize how busy I've been these past few days. Last comps revisions, dental appointments (By the way, what a sadistic profession dentists have! Why would anyone want to be a dentist? Goodness. Okay so I found out I have a cavity and I'm a teeny bit bitter. So?), whirlwind weekend in Minneapolis (whooo!), etc, etc, etc. Lots going on, which is not the norm for me at all. Yet, even in my busiest days these past months, I haven't come up against anything so stressful as what some of my closest friends are about to go through. What, you ask?

*dum dum DUMMMMM*

It's finals week at Carleton. So, here are some random shout-outs of my support:

Nakina, Amenah, Danielle, Edaeni, Rashika, Banke, Cedrina, Cheryl, LaShell, Amina, Monee, Kilang, Heather, Leslie, Jason, Denicia, Love, Sinele, Violette, Peter, pastor, members, and friends, everyones, everyones --

I know you're all totally brilliant people, so I wish you good luck with all your work. Papers. Tests. Presentations. COMPS!! Lab finals. Et cetera. Knock 'em out!! My prayers for your strength and utter brilliance to shine on through.

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A Verse for You Forever:

I will sing of your strength; in the morning I will sing of your love. For you are my fortress, my refuge in times of stress. O, my Strength, I sing praises to You. You, O God, are my fortress, my loving God. ~ Psalm 59: 16-17

Putting Away Childish Things

2005-02-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

I have been staying out of grown folks' business for 21 years (that means I'm eleventeen years old, by the way), but I am slowly realizing that in the next few months I am going to be expected to be an adult. (!!!) Needless to say, it's scary to think about living up to those expectations. I mean, think about it. Being an "adult" is serious! I don't even know what all it entails beyond paying bills, which I already do now. But I have a small idea:

What Being an Adult Means to Me

-- having to actually pay attention to news and views, without being able to call and have my Mama give me the gist of world events.

-- not being able to use my age as an excuse for ordering from the kid's menu at restaurants (even though I like fish sticks better than salmon, but I'm just gonna have to suck that up).

-- having to read a lot of books of my own volition (because I'm going to be expected to be a well-rounded individual, of course).

-- having to actually know what a mortgage is, and knowing how the process of getting one works.

-- being responsible for smushing the spiders and other miscellaneous creeps that I come across, without being able to run away and get someone else to do the dirty work.

-- not getting to wear jeans 6 days out of the week (a very, very scary thing for me, lol).

Those listed above are the duties I am fearing most. Trivial they are not, I assure you. But by and by I'm becoming reconciled to these things becoming a part of my life. Maturing is gonna be awesome! Right. Whatever.

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You get a verse and a song today! Lucky you!

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a [wo]man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then we shall see face to face. ~ 1 Cor. 13: 11-12

And now a snippet from Janet Jackson, from the album Control (1986). Oddly enough, the name of the song is Control:

When I was 17, I did what people told me -

Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me.

But that was long ago, I'm in

Control.

Never gonna stop, to get what I want...

Now I'm all grown up.

Got my own mind,

I wanna make my own decisions

when it has to do with my life, my life

I wanna be the one in control.

That's right!

Put a little sunbeam in your life.

2005-02-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

(And I'm not talking about bread.)

Here in the southern Midwest -- yeah, that is a region -- we have lately been blessed with some gorgeous 50 degree weather and sunshine uninhibited by clouds. And I don't say all this to gloat (although the thought did cross my mind). Due to this wonderful weather, lately I've been spending more time out of doors, enjoying the air and sky, etc. And I realized that in my life as a student I am too apt to spend most of my time slaving over a stack of books or a computer. "This is a waste of the earth's beauty!" I said to myself. Well, not so eloquently or elegantly as that, but I did think something along those lines.

So, whoever you are, wherever you are, I urge you to take a few more minutes out of your day to appreciate the beauty of the earth. If you've got fresh air where you live, breathe it in. Or if you've got a beautiful landscape around, reflect on it a few minutes. If you've got neither of the above, don't despair. Joy can be found in the loneliest flower or even in the people passing you by as you gaze. Everywhere on earth has some semblance of the sublime. We're charged with finding it, and not taking it for granted when we do.

Beautiful Mono Lake, Calif.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Lord, my God

when I in awesome wonder

consider all the worlds Thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, my savior God to Thee,

"How great Thou art!"

Valentine's Day? Oh, really?!?

2005-02-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

Lol.

What does it say about my life that I took no notice of yesterday being Valentine's Day until the day was almost over? Well, if we want to put me in the most flattering light (of course we do! yeah.), then it means that I am a strong individual who will not be controlled by the Man telling me when I have to express love to my loved ones! and I will not be tricked into thinking that if I don't give out 20 lbs of chocolate and roses and chocolate roses, etc. that I am unworthy of love. Forget Valentine's Day! Yesterday I started a revolution (and it was not televised)!!! Right.

But if I wanna be real about it (nah. . .probably not), then I'll have to tell everyone that I didn't remember V-Day because I am sometimes just hopelessly oblivious to what's going on around me. I'm sure yesterday I saw commercials for flower shops and Hallmark teddy bears (only $20 when you make a $30 purchase, what a deal!), but none of it registered. Well. So for everyone that I didn't call, or send a card to, or buy chocolate for -- you know who you are, right? -- here is an online token of my affection.

And see, what is so superb about this is, it doesn't even have to be Valentine's Day for you to come here and get some love. When you eat up those tasty chocolates and have to bury the flowers, this will still be here! Enjoy. It's from the heart!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My good friend and fellow blogger Rashika has the perfect verse for today (or yesterday, lol), so here instead is a song! Or rather, the lyrics. Audio blogging costs money, and who has that? Anyway, enough rambling. The following is from my favorite music man, Mr. Stevie Wonder, from the album Songs in the Key of Life (1976):

As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving,

And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May

Just as hate knows love's the cure,

You can rest your mind assured

That I'll be loving you always.

As now can't reveal the mistery of tomorrow,

But in passing we'll grow older every day,

Just as all is born is new

Do you know what I say is true,

That I'll be loving you always.

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky.

Until the ocean covers every mountain high.

Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea.

Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream.

Did you know that true love asks for nothing?

Her acceptance is the way we pay.

Did you know that life has given love a guarantee

To last through forever and another day.

Just as time knew to move on since the beginning,

And the seasons know exactly when to change,

Just as kindness knows no shame,

Know through all your joy and pain

That I'll be loving you always.

Who the heck am I, you say?

2005-02-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

Sorry. Your question will go unanswered.

Here I am! because people keep asking me what I'm up to and I figured if I made one of these things people would just read it and stop asking. . . thus eliminating from my life yet another mode of interpersonal communication. But I digress.

Since I spent my summer "studying" in California, I get to have this term off from Carleton College (yay!), and right now I'm spending time with my dad and brother in Kansas City. All is well, and as it turns out, I have an abundance of time to ~~read~~ watch television. Oh, how I have missed it so! Was kind of disturbed to realize though, that lately all I watch is reality tv. My dad got me hooked on 24, but besides that, yeah. Project Runway and ANTM are my favorite shows. And then there's American Idol, Road To Stardom, Made, Biggest Loser, etc. . . Sometimes, I gotta say it's very rare, but sometimes I even scrape the bottom of the barrel with the Surreal Life!

Anyway though, I said all that to say that I'm watching more tv than ever and thus seeing more commercials than ever. The other day I saw one that quite shocked me, for personal reasons as I will now detail. Now, the commercial wasn't racy or obscene, and it wasn't offensive either. It was, however, for mayonnaise.
That's not the shocking part. But see, it was about a new design for the mayo jar with a huge big square mouth, finally allowing people craving mayo to get more with every scoop. The shock? Wait for it. . . .
*
*
*
the people in the mayonnaise commercial are Black!!!

I am too, so I hope nobody's offended, but seeing a Black family in a mayo commercial completely surprised me. Black folks don't like mayo, says the common stereotype. Just watch Undercover Brother if you don't believe me. And then there's this commercial where not only does the Black family like mayonnaise, but they love it so much they have to get more of it out of the jar with every scoop of the spoon. I mean, that blew my mind. And what's more, and better, this commercial started me thinking. Yes. From the revelation of the mayonnaise commercial I have come to understand that a couple other stereotypes need to be cleared from my mind. So, on this my blog debut, I present the following:

Assumptions I Should Never Make Again In Life
(an annotated list)

-- Black people don't like to swim. Now, from my acquaintance this is true, and completely understandable. We haven't, on the whole, had good experiences with large bodies of water in the past. But, I'm sure there are millions of Black folks out there who love the water and love to swim. I don't know you, but you must exist. You must.

-- Black people don't like rock and roll. Well, for my part, this is largely true. Too many screeching guitars and wild screams and the party's over for me. Yet, Black taste in music is probably as eclectic as anyone else's. Living Colour, Bad Brains, Fishbone. Black rock bands.

-- Black people will not ever give up on Michael Jackson. Hmm. From the news reports these past couple of weeks, it seems that MJ's having trouble finding overwhelming support from anybody. Only die-hard fans lined up outside of his courthouse last week, and not many of those faces were Black. I'm still a fan, but I have to admit that the Moonwalker does seem crazy as a loon. . .

That's all I can think of. Divorce Court is on now I think, lol. So, gotta go. Can't miss Judge Mablean!

I think I'll come back tomorrow, but who's to say. You can see how busy I am.

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A Verse For You Today:

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~ Proverbs 12:18

Clever Catchy Title

ahem. this thing on? no. no it is not.

rashi busted me. . .

sooooooooooooo. . .

snow day!!!

stmmfsbasp, part 7

stmmfsbasp, parts cinque and seis

stmmfsbasp, part vier

stmmfsbasp, part tres

stmmfsbasp, part deux

music is amazing. (stmmfsbasp, part I)

in the words of tony toni tone:

"jody sawyer."

awwwww yeah!

a "prophet soul"

you say you need proof. . .

happy 2006!!

who's still alive?

go. be great. be green.

lol.

big girls don't cry. . .

more visuals!! (autumnal ones.)

pitiful episodes in pointless pontification.

is your mom white?

why i (personally) hate verizon wireless*

you should all be so proud of me.

fema man.

a big, big, big old sigh.

oh.my.goodness.gracious.

capital letters in blog titles are lame.

Rest In Peace, Mr.Vandross.

The Stein Mart Chronicles

Deep Rest = Depressed?

Go, Go, Go Shawty (It's My Birthday!!)

Holiday? What In The World Is That?

The Misadventures of Frank and Tina

I Will Have Children.

I am well. My computer is well. Mall Of America Sucks.

The Viruses!! They Got Me!

Lots To Say.

BOOOOOOOOO! *hiss* BOOOOOOO.

You Should Not Assume. . .

Peer Pressure CAN Be Beautiful!

"In ATL I Caught A Case. . .

Random Things You Should Know

Update, Update. . .

Can I Just Say. . .

Finally At School

Say It With Me Now: F-L-A-K-E Spells Me!

Yes, Dears, It Really Is ALL Joy.

In The Doldrums

And So It Goes. . .

Putting Away Childish Things

Put a little sunbeam in your life.

Valentine's Day? Oh, really?!?

Who the heck am I, you say?

BOOOOOOOOO! hiss BOOOOOOO.